125 best dark humor jokes

125 Best Dark Humor Jokes

Dark humor jokes are the ones you laugh out loud at even though you know you shouldn’t. They’re the jokes you only tell people you’re close with as strangers would most definitely judge you, report you, and cancel you indefinitely. If you have a twisted sense of humor, you’re not alone. Most of us laugh at inappropriate things and even enjoy morbid, dirty, and bad jokes. We’re all a little screwed in the head and that’s just fine.

We wanted to learn more about the best dark humor jokes out there so we did some digging to find the best of the best. Did we lose some of our faith in humanity along the way? Sure! But, we did come up with a great list of dark humor jokes for you to enjoy and hopefully share with your friends and loved ones who share your off-brand sense of comedy. Enjoy these 125 jokes!

Get a Laugh From These Pitch-Black Dark Humor Jokes!

Morbid Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I’ve been looking for my ex-boyfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
  • I hate these double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “doing a good job.” If you do that at home, you’re “destroying evidence.”
  • Where did Jack go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
  • They laughed at my crayon drawing. I laughed at their chalk outline.
  • “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” mean the same thing. Except at a funeral.

Dark Humor Jokes About Family Ties

125 best dark humor jokes
  • “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure” is an excellent saying until you realize that you’re adopted.
  • Wife: “Honey, I’m pregnant.” / Husband: “Hi Pregnant, I’m dad.” / Wife: “No you’re not.”
  • I’d tell you a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
  • My family is like a treasure. You need a map and a shovel to find them.
  • My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now, he’ll really know what rejection feels like.

Unexpected Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.
  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.
  • I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but the police came out of nowhere.
  • Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
  • A guy is walking with a young boy into the woods. Boy: “Hey mister it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.” / Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Satisfying Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
  • Today was a terrible day. My dad got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
  • I made a website for orphans, unfortunately, it doesn’t have a homepage.
  • Son: “Dad, how do stars die?” / Dad: “Usually an overdose.”
  • It’s sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

Just Wrong Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • How do you make any salad a Caesar salad? Stab it twenty-three times.
  • Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.
  • I hate how funerals are always at 9 a.m. I’m not really a mourning person.
  • My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.
  • If I really wanted to hurt myself, I would climb up to the top of your ego and jump to your IQ.

Rotten Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • When the cannibal turned up late for dinner, he got the cold shoulder.
  • As I get older, I recall all of the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
  • The doctor gave me some cream for my skin rash. He said I was a sight for psoriasis.
  • When my uncle Frank died, he wanted his remains to be buried in his favorite beer mug. His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
  • I just read that someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor guy.

Morally Corrupt Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • What’s red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
  • Why did Mozart kill all of his pet chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, “Bach, Bach, Bach.”
  • Never break someone’s heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
  • I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
  • What’s the last thing to go through a fly’s head as it hits the windshield of a car going 70 mph? Its butt.

Deep Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • It’s important to have a robust vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my good friends would still be alive.
  • An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.
  • I have a fish that can breakdance! Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
  • Today I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door on my face. My parents are the worst.
  • I have a joke about trickle down economics. But 99% of you will never get it.

Twisted Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can’t be found.
  • I wasn’t close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
  • I started crying when my husband was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.
  • The guy who stole my diary just passed away. My thoughts are with his family.
  • Did you hear about the Pillsbury Doughboy? He died of a yeast infection.

Irreverent Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • My grief counselor passed away yesterday. He was so good at his job that I don’t even care.
  • I’d like to have kids one day. Unfortunately, I don’t think I could stand them any longer than that.
  • Did you hear about the guy who got his left side cut off? He’s all right now!
  • My favorite book is The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I’m a sucker for a protagonist with a twisted back story.
  • If you donate one kidney everybody celebrates you as a total hero. But donate five and suddenly everyone is yelling.

Fun Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I visited my friend at her new home. She told me to make myself at home. So I threw her out. I hate having visitors.
  • I was reading a fantastic novel about an immortal dog the other day. It was impossible to put down.
  • What has four legs and one arm? A happy pit bull.
  • Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny.
  • What did Kermit the frog say at Jim Henson’s funeral? Nothing.

Silly Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • My husband got so mad at me because I have a bed sense of direction. You know what I did? I packed all my stuff up and right.
  • My parents raised me as an only child which really made my brother mad.
  • I have this stepladder because my real ladder left me when I was just a child.
  • What’s the difference between a dinosaur and a lump of coal? 65 million years.
  • It’s said that there’s a person capable of murder in every group of friends so I killed Donald before he could do any harm.

Goofy Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Learning my toaster wasn’t waterproof was a shock.
  • What’s the best thing to do when being attacked by a mob of clowns? Go for the juggler.
  • A new study found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. It’s true. When’s the last time you ate a monkey?
  • Why did the old lady fall into the well? She couldn’t see that well.
  • My boss told me to have a good day so I went home.

Warped Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Why are friends like snow? When you pee on them, they disappear.
  • You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
  • At a restaurant, I asked a waiter how they prepared the chicken. “Nothing special,” he replied. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
  • I threw a boomerang a few years back. Now, I live in constant fear.
  • My therapist told me, “Time heals all wounds.” So I stabbed him. Now we wait.

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Divisive Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • How many babies do you need to paint a wall? It depends on how hard you throw them.
  • What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?
  • What’s brown and bad for dental health? A Baseball bat.
  • What makes a joke a dad joke? I’ll never know. I don’t even have one as an example.
  • Why can’t a T-rex clap? It’s dead.

Very Wrong Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I don’t understand why horror movies make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.
  • What band do necrophiliacs love? Coldplay.
  • I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
  • Husband to Wife: “Am I handsome?” / Wife: “Honey, you’re like the sun. It’s painful to look at you.”
  • finally got one of those roof boxes for the car. It’s very practical. I can barely hear my kids now.

Inappropriate Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I finally got one of those roof boxes for the car. It’s so practical! I can barely hear my kids now.
  • What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
  • My husband and I have come to an unanimous decision: we don’t want children. If anybody does, please leave your contact information and we’ll drop them off tomorrow.
  • They say the best way to a man’s heart is through the stomach. But personally, I find going through the ribcage a lot easier.
  • My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the Lincoln Park Zoo.

Dirty Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Child: “Mommy! Mommy! I found Daddy!” / Mom: “How man times do I have to tell you to not dig around in the garden!?”
  • How do you save a man from drowning? Remove your foot from his head.
  • How did the dentist suddenly become a brain surgeon? A slip of his hand.
  • Where can you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.
  • There’s always a lot of talk about starting a families. But no one ever talks about finishing them.

More Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • What’s the difference between me and cancer? My dad did not beat cancer.
  • My spouse instructed me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I do not get off the computer. I’m not too nervous, I feel she’s asdhug;uhfg;iu lYAP*FeY ;I I ;9HFalus;;eht; e8t!
  • A woman walks into an enchanted forest and tries to chop down a speaking tree. Tree: “You can’t cut me down! I’m a talking tree!” / Woman: “You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue.”
  • They say that breakfast is a very powerful meal of the day. Well, not if it’s poisoned. 
  • Did you hear about that man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.

Even More Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • The cemetery is overcrowded. People are just dying to get in.
  • My mom always said garlic powder makes everything taste better. So, I sprinkled some on my divorce paper and my husband’s broken legs.
  • My mommy is like jelly and daddy is like peanut butter. I’m the bread and the only thing keeping them together.
  • What’s read and horrible for your teeth? A brick.
  • What kind of shoes do kidnappers like? White Vans.

More Wrong Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I want to be cremated. It’s my last chance to have a smoking hot body.
  • Friends are like trees. They fall over when you hit them with an axe.
  • What do you call a dad in a mirror? Your imagination.
  • Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for a lifetime.
  • I put the fun in funeral.

Disturbing Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I had to give up my vegetarian diet. It turns out they are much harder to catch than cows.
  • My great-aunt’s star sign was cancer which makes her death so ironic. She was eaten by a giant crab.
  • What do you call a cheap circumcision?
  • What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into an apple and finding half a worm.
  • After work, I volunteer to help blind children. By the way – verb, not adjective.

Weird Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • What do you call a rude cactus? A prick.
  • I just saw a cashier scan a rude customer’s face with a barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless.
  • What happens if you throw a charged battery at someone? You will get charged with battery.
  • I wasn’t surprised when the doctors told my electro therapy was free. I was shocked!
  • My mother asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party. That’s when I realized he’s the favorite twin.

Offbeat Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • I’m about to mix gasoline with a lit match AMA! Wow, this blew up!
  • Police officer: “I’m sorry miss, but it looks like your husband was hit by a truck.” Wife: “Yeah, but he has a great personality!”
  • My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I can’t understand why she’s crying because I’m the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
  • I went to a brothel without any money. They told me to beat it.
  • To the person who stole my glasses: I will find you. I have contacts.

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Best Dark Humor Jokes

125 best dark humor jokes
  • Dark humor is like food. Not everyone gets it.
  • As a kid, I’d always get bullied. Every day they’d spit in my food, call me names, play dirty pranks on me and so much more. I really hated being homeschooled.
  • Why is poison so hard to come by? It’s a delicacy you only get to experience once in your life.
  • A leper was upset about an expensive ambulance ride to the hospital. It cost him an arm and a leg.
  • As much of a thrill-seeker as I am, I would never bungee jump. I came into this world because of a broken rubber and I’m not going out because of one.

There you go! We hope you got a kick and a cringe from these hilarious dark humor jokes. Please choose who you tell these jokes to wisely!

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