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QUESTION: Am I Wrong to Date a 46-Year-Old?
“I’ve been legally married since I was 16; I’m 22 now. We have two kids and have been split up for several months now.
I met someone else (someone older) and completely fell in love. He’s 46 with an 11-year-old, and they love my kids and me unconditionally. He’s helping me get the divorce I’ve wanted for a really long time.
Am I doing this right? Should I stop seeing the 46-year-old?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“There’s nothing wrong with dating a 46 year old (my husband is 13 years my senior) I’m more concerned that you are still going through a divorce. You should give yourself time to heal from the breakup. I fear that you might see this man through rose colored glasses as he is most likely giving you what your ex did not. Date him, but take your sweet time. Don’t move in and definitely don’t marry him. Older men tend to be more controlling and insecure. Good luck.”
“I personally wouldn’t. You’ve also been with someone since you were a child yourself… You should be taking this time to find yourself and be free for a little bit before you get with anyone. I think it’s gross to be with someone that much older, cause it’s like he’s just using you as a ‘oh look at my little trophy.’ My parents are younger than him and that’s just grossing me out.”
“Stop the insanity… Resolve your current relationship issues. Dont take on additional stress and BS. Spend some time alone, heal and find YOURSELF…”
“Why not be single and find out who you are without needing another person to make you be ok? You need to find you as an individual not a partner or parent. A few months in general via not enough time to be truly healed from any relationship not to mention a marriage…
… Time apart and single not dating or involved now the right way to decide what you need to do. You have kids and some lost childhood to deal with. If you can see a therapist they may help you get on the right path as well. I’d just hate for you to go in another relationship and divorce or have it go south again because you weren’t ready again.”
“You are still a child yourself. 22? I had my 1st baby at 17 and was still doing a lot of growing even after my second around 22. Take some time to find yourself. Keep the relationship open at least and do what makes you happy. But don’t settle down again just yet. It’s to soon.”
“I recommend you wait. Jump out of the bad relationship into singlehood for a while so you can learn what you really want for your kids and yourself. 16 years old is super young to start “life” with someone.”
“If you listen to the opinions of others, you’ll never be happy. I’ve learned that the hard way. The only opinions that matter, is yours and your children’s.”
“Likely you’ll have a better relationship if you have time single between them. Especially since you were only 16 when married. Get to know yourself as an independent adult first.”
“I don’t see why you should stop seeing him… if he treats you and the kids good I say go for it “
“Honey, do whatever makes you happy! Nobody has to live your life but you. Don’t worry about what other people think! You know in your heart what’s right for you, and I say if you’re happy and healthy, do it!”
“There is 20 years between myself and husband we will be married 20 years this year. Do you and don’t worry about what others think.”
“If he truly values you, love you unconditionally including your kids, and he gives you the respect that you deserve, I don’t think age matters.”
“Once you’re an adult, age is just a number and doesn’t matter. Plus, he should be fully maturing around that age, which is nice. My husband and I have an 11 year age gap and it’s great! I am 21 and I just didn’t have time for the little, immature boys our age. Sometimes older men are definitely great if you’re ready to settle down because a lot of times, they are too.”
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