A mom writes in asking for advice about how to handle a situation with her daughter’s biological father. She says the father of her 5-year-old has had zero involvement in their lives since the baby was just 8-months-old. Now, the father claims he wants to be more involved and “bond” with his daughter. This mom is distressed.
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A member of the community asks:
“My daughter’s father all the sudden wants to see her: Thoughts?
Ok, my daughter is 5 years old now. Her “SPERM DONOR” has not seen her since she was eight months old. He isn’t on the birth certificate. The ONLY father she knows is the man who has raised her since she just turned 2. Now out of the blue, her biological father wants to start a “bond” with her and take her out and all this…
She has no clue who he is, and I know if I just let her go, she’d feel so scared with a stranger. I’ve invited him to her birthday party each year, and he’s NEVER showed. Again he’s a complete stranger to her… What would you guys personally do? No child support is in order. He wants to stay out of the court system. I just have so many mixed feelings right now… Idk how to explain this to a 5-year-old so she could understand all this.”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for The Mom Who Is Concerned About Her Daughter’s Biological Father Wanting to Be More Involved in Their Lives
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“If it were me, I would probably let them see each other supervised and introduce him to her as a friend until he proves that he really is going to be a factor in her life. That way if he disappears again she won’t know who he really was and it won’t hurt her as bad. I’m not saying hide who he is forever, but a 5-year-old shouldn’t have to live with that kind of emotional pain.”
“I’d go to court. Either Get child support and a parenting plan or have his rights terminated.”
“I would go with your gut on this one. I personally would tell him to kick rocks… and to stay out of courts sounds shady too. He doesn’t want to legally be her father or have any financial obligations… what’s to say he doesn’t form a bond then disappear and break her heart. Not worth the flight risk in my opinion.”
“Reunification plan. Supervised visits. If you think he will fight you for time it’s best to try and work with him so you don’t lose the option to choose how those visits are spent. The court will decide for both of you an that’s just not right.”
“Why all of a sudden? Be careful some ppl have wrong agendas. He is a stranger. Don’t let her go to him alone but if you feel like he is not a threat to her then invite him over to your home or somewhere you’re comfortable for him to have some time with her in your presence. It’s not your fault she doesn’t know him. It’s his. So don’t let anyone make you feel like you’re responsible for the fact he is a deadbeat.”
“Sounds like he doesn’t have any rights other than biology. You owe him nothing. She has a father. If he wants to go to court and pay child support, set that up. Do you really trust him with your child?”
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