A mom writes in asking for advice about her daughter starting her period. She says her daughter recently began menstruating but has gone out of her way to hide and ignore this fact. She hides tissues in her room and in the bathroom. She is not using feminine hygiene products and is ruining clothing. This mom has tried talking to her, making products easily accessible for her daughter, punishment, and more, but nothing seems to be making a difference. How can she help her daughter during this major milestone?
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A member of the community asks:
“My daughter doesn’t want to accept that she has started her period: Advice?”
“My daughter is getting her period now but doesn’t want to accept it is happening. She tries to hide it and free bleed or hides the underwear and tissue hidden in her room or under my bathroom furniture for me to find. She’s destroying clothes, I’m afraid she will pull this and I won’t catch it and she gets made fun of in school. I’ve tried talking to her, making pads accessible so she didn’t have to come to me, giving her a garbage pail in her room, punishing, lecturing. I honestly don’t know what to do but this needs to stop. HELP!!
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Daughter Is Struggling to Accept She Has Started Her Period
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Make her clean her underwear and wherever she bleeds. Anything to do with her period, she cleans it. You’ve made everything accessible. Ask her if she needs a different type of pad. Make her go to the store and pick out the one she wants. I understand it’s embarrassing, but this might be how she actually starts to use them. Take her to the doctor for her check-up and maybe explain to the doctor that she isn’t accepting what’s happening to her body, and they can discuss it with her.”
“I’ve heard of this happening with individuals who have dysmorphia because they are disgusted by their own period. Maybe try talking to her and finding out the root cause of her behavior. It might also be worth having her talk to her doctor or a counselor.”
“Ask her why she’s hiding it. She could be mortified, or think if she ignores it, it will go away. It could be a completely different reason only she knows. Don’t punish her for it jeez. It’s new to her and doesn’t sound like she completely understands. Talk to her, mom. Go in her room, sit down, pull her on your lap and just hug her and talk. Those are the most loving times I remember with my mom. Ask questions. Tell her to ask questions. Or if she’s embarrassed about it, write it in a notebook and pass the notebook back and forth.”
“How old is this girl? Sound like she might need some professional help if she’s just denying that it’s happening.”
“I got mine in 3rd grade and hid it for nearly a year. When my parents found out they spoke to me as if I was an idiot even though I had properly handled it for a year. Still never felt comfortable speaking to them or a doctor. Having the resources available to me and a puberty book for answers to questions without the pressure worked best for me.”
“Buy her some period underwear and don’t stress her with a bunch of your frustration. I was one of those girls and it took me years to make friends with my period. It was gross and embarrassing and everyone acting like it was normal just freaked me out. But my mom never said a word about my mishandling it and just soaked everything in peroxide. She just said to throw those clothes in my shower and by my doing that she kept a calendar. When the day was coming I would find a baggy of pads, a pair of clean panties, and Midol on my sink when I woke up for my backpack.”
“I’m not a mother, but as a daughter, I think you should talk to her calmly. Tell her what it means. Let her know there’s nothing to be ashamed of. And how some of us don’t get it, and that she’s lucky that she has. Talking and explaining calmly can easily help, hopefully.”
“Get her period underwear and talk about it freely. How old? Don’t talk about her period specifically but periods in general. Make it a normal thing to discuss. You’re on the right track doing great things I’m positive she’s grateful for. She’s just clearly having a hard time.”
“You need to sit down and tell her that it is unhygienic and people think it’s gross when you bleed everywhere and that she needs to take care of herself. Ask her why she refuses to wear pads. Show her all the different options for sanitary products, tampons, pads, menstrual cups, period panties. Ask her which one she would prefer…
.. You really gotta sit down and tell her whats what. And if that doesn’t work id make her clean all of the blood anywhere it gets from clothes to furniture so maybe she will cease the behavior to avoid having to clean it. If not i know it sounds awful but let her get embarrassed at school nothing forces someone to change like peer pressure.”
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