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QUESTION: My Daughter’s Father Randomly Reappeared in Her Life and Suddenly Wants *More* Time With Her: What Should I Do?
“I’m so lost and so confused I just don’t know what to do. I have a five-year-old daughter, and her father left her life when she was two. He just recently resurfaced and has a new wife.
We agreed on visitations every other weekend, and then he started wanting her every weekend, and then he kept her for an entire week; now he wants her four days a week.
The problem is he isn’t even home when she is there. She stays home with his wife, who we just met 2 months ago, and she has been spending more time with her father’s wife then she has with me and I’m so hurt over this situation.
It feels like he is trying to keep my child there longer for his wife to raise and I don’t know what to do. How would you handle a situation like this?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“He is trying to establish a pattern so he can ask for more time when he takes you to court.”
“Uh. He was gone for years. So she only has to go when you allow her to. Stick to every other weekend. If you make it a habit for him to have her so often he’ll be able to use that in court to his advantage.”
“Sounds like he’s establishing a story to fit his narrative so he can go to court and say he has her over 50% of the time so he doesn’t have to pay child support.”
“Stop letting him have her for so long then. Hello, if there’s no court order, why are you allowing something that you don’t actually want to happen…”
“You should have said no from the first day. Let him take you to court for visitation and ask for supervised. That’s like sending a child off with a total stranger; even if it is her dad, he has been gone for 3 years. Same with new wife: she is even more of a stranger and alone with the child. Uh, no way, not until she knows them well and you are sure she is 100% safe.”
“Get a court ordered custody agreement… and be careful, because if she starts spending more time there then with you, that may possibly be used against you… where I am from it can be.”
“Court. Period. Get visitation in writing that way if he keeps her for longer than he’s suppose to, you have the law/that court order to back you up.”
“This man has had the new wife chirping in his ear and none of it good for you. He’s setting the stage and controlling the narrative. He can get out of child support if he keeps her more and I believe he’s about to steal your child from you. Please immediately consult a family court lawyer and protect your child at all costs.”
“If you have no court order then no, don’t let her go till you do. Possession is 9/10ths of the law often. Google Custody Rights and terms for your area. And with no custody order order in place, make sure that the school or daycare have it in writing that your child resides with you and that no one may pick up or remove her from school but you.”
“You need to get a court ordered custody agreement before he decides not to give her back. Not sure why you would have agreed to 4 days in the first place.”
“I would be all for her seeing her dad but 4 days a week….absolutely not. Does he pay child support? Some men would rather have their child 50/50 than pay support. If u let him have her 4 days a week, you may be the one paying child support.”
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