A mom writes in asking for advice about her daughter’s father, aka her ex. She says she and her ex ended on okay terms and initially shared custody of their daughter 50/50. But since the novel Coronavirus pandemic began earlier this year, she says, he has not seen much of his daughter. Nor has he contributed financially towards his daughter’s care. (She specifies that they do not have a child support arrangement currently, but she is now thinking of asking for one, given how little help he is providing.) In the end, she is looking for advice from other moms about how to handle this situation.
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A member of the community asks:
“My daughter’s father hasn’t been spending much time with her: Advice?
My daughter’s father and I have been split for over a year now. Not a biggie. We ended on okay terms. We split custody 50/50 for a while. But it seems like since COVID came about, he’s tried seeing her less and less to the point he’s completely stopped. I started tracking their visits mid-March. He got her once in April for four days then once in May for seven days while I was recovering from a c-section with my new baby (not his child).
He also had another child, and the woman he’s with has another child as well from her previous relationship. He hasn’t seen her since mid-May. Its the end of July now. My heart aches for my baby because she’s always asking for her dad and her brother, but I can’t force him to take her. I also feel wrong for thinking of filing for child support, but if he’s not taking physical care of her, he should at least help take care of her financially, right? My boyfriend and I have been the ones doing everything for her. I’m not exactly sure what I’m asking but. Please give advice if you’ve got any.”
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Daughter’s Father Has Been MIA Since the Pandemic Began
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“If she’s asking for him, then have her call him and say ‘when are you coming I miss you’ every time. Give it a bit and if he doesn’t step up, file for child support and set up a visitation schedule. Or if things ended on good terms as you say, just talk to him and ask what’s up.”
“If he’s not interested don’t enforce it. She’s better off without him, if he can’t take the time to acknowledge her then there’s nothing you can do except drop the 50/50 and claim child support and move on.”
“Have you tried talking to him and asking him what’s up and why he hasn’t seen her?”
“Is he not seeing her because of COVID? If so, understandable, but yes he should still be helping out financially and at least keeping in touch some other way.”
“I would give him a total of 6 months (including the months he’s already missed not getting her) and if he doesn’t get her much in that time frame then I would file for custody and child support. That way you gave him the chance to step up.”
“You need to talk to him. Being a new dad is tiring and his probably trying to manage it all, BUT he does need to step up for his daughter too. Nothing wrong with phone calls in the meantime.”
“If he isn’t going to help take care of her, I would definitely file for child support. He needs to be responsible for all of his children.”
“I would definitely try communicating with him and see what’s going on. Have you asked him or told him this is a problem and you need him to help more financially? He should know better but, if not he may think you don’t have a problem with it. If that doesn’t work then go through the court.”
“I would first try to talk to him and figure out why he isn’t seeing her as often now. Do you have a set schedule in place through the courts? You definitely need to file for child support. Even when my husband and I split and had 50/50 he paid child support. I’d also file for a set custody agreement if you haven’t already. Some states are different and it depends on your and his incomes but regardless if he’s not seeing or taking her then he needs to either step up or pay up.”
“If you are taking care of her most of the time with your boyfriend, I’d file for full custody with the baby daddy having visiting rights and get child support from him. If he isn’t going to step up he could at least pay up.”
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