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QUESTION: Do strict parents cause sneaky kids?
“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about addressing certain situations in the future for my son. Dating, sleepovers, having girls over, I was always raised pretty strict. No dating rules and I ended up hiding my first boyfriend in 8th grade.
My parents had to be in the same room with us even in high school. Overall, I was a good kid but thinking back, I did hide a lot of things I shouldn’t have had to. I want a strong amount of trust between my son and me, how much freedom is too much? Sorry, this is long. Do you think strict parents cause sneaky kids?”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Kinda in certain situations, I would say yes it can cause sneaky kids but it’s all down to what you want them to learn.”
“I say give them the trust the deserve till they give you a reason to not trust them. Six kids between my ex and I. I am still the one they come to good bad or ugly. I am open about things and want them to be open with me. Id rather know what they are doing and be there to help them learn from it.”
“Strictness is not the problem in my opinion, trust and respect between parent and child is important… You can be a strict parent but you need to be able to listen to your child if they feel differently about something they want to do and your child should feel comfortable to talk to you about anything… As long as there is a comfortable relationship between parents and child, the child being able to speak to you about anything that’s all that matters…”
“Set Boundaries building TRUST and being open and honest relationship is key but also letting your child have a voice so they have the respect to you and to themselves so no lies have to happen.”
“My parents weren’t strict but I still snuck out at 1 a.m. to go motorcycle riding with a friend to have an early morning dip in my friend’s hot tup before motorcycling back home at like 4 a.m. and sneaking back in through the basement.”
“I believe that strict parenting does cause sneaky kids. Growing up, my parents were kind of strict. I wouldn’t sneak out or anything, but I would lie to them. I would tell them I was sleeping at a friends house and then be somewhere else. Or tell them I was going skating/bowling/movies and be somewhere else. I have an extremely open relationship with my children, my two oldest especially.
They will be 18 in August, and they tell me everything. They still ask for permission to do things, but with them being open and honest with me, the answer is usually “yes”. If they tell me that they wanna do something and my answer is no, I actually explain my reasoning to them instead of just using the ‘because I said so.’
Personally, I feel like it’s important to be open and honest with your kids and even early on, allow them to be their own person and make their own choices. I feel that parents who try to control their kids and try to sugar coat things for their kids are setting them up for failure.”
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