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QUESTION: My Ex-Husband Made Me Feel Like a Bad Mom for Asking for Some Time to Myself: Advice?
“My husband and I separated back in August of last year. Well, our kids stayed with him due to my work schedule and not wanting to take them out of their school.
I have since gotten my own place and have been having them stay the night on my days off. I am currently working two jobs to make ends meet, paying child support and such.
Well, I brought up that I’d like to start getting some nights where I drop them back off instead of them staying over so I can either have a ‘date night or just some me-time. He made it seem like I would be a horrible mother for doing so. Saying that it wasn’t fair to the boys.
Am I a bad mom for wanting just a little time for either myself or trying to meet someone?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“As a mom, I don’t understand how some can have their kids less than 50% of the time and still try to have their kids even less. Yikes. Moms don’t get time for ourselves, especially those of us who parent 100% of the time. I’d concentrate more on your kids and less on dating. They’re only kids once.”
“Sounds like you get plenty of ‘me time’ if you’re only getting them on your days off. I would want all the time I could get if I only got my kids a couple of days a week.”
“I agree with the ex…. you barely have your kids as it is. If you were the main custodial parent then it would be different. You should want to spend as much time as possible with your children.”
“I think your ex needs some ‘me’ time if he has them most of the nights and your only have them on your nights off. I assume your ex works also. Take some ‘me’ time when you get off work and don’t have the kids.”
“You’re sacrificing the wrong thing for me time. Find time elsewhere, don’t take it from your kids.”
“I’d reevaluate what your priorities are. Your kids are only little for a short while, and they need their mom. They’ve had enough trauma going through a divorce, and they really need the support of both parents.”
“You’re entitled to have a life besides kids and work. No question. But don’t you only have your kids on your days off? Which would be “generally” two out of the 7 days. Wouldn’t you be able to carve the time to date or have “me” time the other five days you don’t have them? I’m a mom. My kids come first. Before everything. (Except my job as I have to put food on the table) but I personally would feel horrible for making other plans the few times I got to see them.”
“If they’re living with him aren’t you already getting quite a bit of time to yourself?”
“Doesn’t make you a bad mom. But it seems like their dad needs the break, not you. After all, you only see them for a few days. You have ‘me time’ when you get home from work. You don’t go to work and then go home to a house full of kids.”
“Well it sounds to me like dad doesn’t have any time to himself either being he’s the custodial parent and has them the majority of the time. All that time you’re working, your kids are with him. So if working 2 jobs you would probably have one maybe two days off, which are being spent with your kids. THAT is his time off and you’re wanting to cut into what little time he has away from the kids for a break so you can have a break?!? I feel like you’re asking too much and being a mother is about making sacrifices.”
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