my ex's wife takes care of our daughter while my ex does nothing himself, and it is driving me crazy: am i overreacting?

My Ex’s Wife Takes Care of Our Daughter While My Ex Does Nothing Himself, and It Is Driving Me Crazy: Am I Overreacting?

A mom writes in asking for feedback from the Mamas Uncut community. She says she shares custody of her daughter with an ex, who was initially not involved. He fought for partial custody, though, and so he has his daughter part-time.

The problem is that he leaves his daughter with his current wife and does absolutely nothing for his daughter himself. This brings up complicated feelings for the mom, who wants to know if she is overreacting to the entire situation.

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A member of the community asks:

“My ex’s wife takes care of my daughter and he doesn’t: Thoughts?

Hi, I have a six-year-old daughter with a guy that left us when she was 15 days old. Never cared about seeing her. I was the one who would send him pictures of her and tell him to go see her… Well, he got a girlfriend right after we broke up and the girl wanted my daughter with them and made him fight with me about visitations and about my daughter sleeping over at his house so she looked for a lawyer and he started the whole process.

We went to court, and he got one day a week and every other weekend with them. I don’t have a problem with his wife, whom he married about two years ago. We have gotten along good, and we have been civil. My problem is that she is the one who does everything to my daughter. He doesn’t do anything to her. The wife has a niece, and he leaves my daughter at her niece’s house to sleep on his time and doesn’t tell me anything. I only knew because my daughter told me the next day when I picked her up from school.

Also, I called him Friday night because I had a missed call from him and when I asked him if everything was ok because I had a call from him he said oh it butt-dialed… And I said oh ok how is “blank” he said she went to see my nephew with my wife and it was 9:30 pm and her bedtime is at 9 or 9:30 pm. So I got upset and asked him why she is with his wife instead of being with him and why she’s in the street when she’s supposed to be getting ready to sleep, and he said because I want her to be and because I said so screaming. My shared time is with him, and my daughter is always out with his wife instead of being with him, who I have shared time with. He also has a 14-year-old niece that he told me not long ago that is gonna babysit her overnight when he goes out with the wife.. I didn’t agree with that.

Also, through the court, we are supposed to ask each other to babysit if we have to go out and not use other people, especially another kid. He wants to go back to court for more time with her if I’m not ok with all this nonsense. Also, I put my daughter in swim lessons, and yesterday she had class, and they took her, so when my daughter was out of the pool, she went and took her to the changing room to change her before I even got a chance to do it. I am the mother!!!! Am I wrong? How would you ladies feel about this whole situation? I want to know if I am overreacting.”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Whose Ex Makes His Wife Take Care of the Mom’s Child While He Does Nothing

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Fan QuestionMy husbands wife takes care of my daughter and he doesn't: Thoughts?Hi, I have a six-year-old daughter…

Posted by Mamas Uncut on Sunday, December 1, 2019

Advice Summary

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Many commenters responded to this mom, although most felt she was overreacting to the situation.

“It’s not your business who is looking after your daughter on his time, that is up to him to decide, it’s sad, but as long as she is cared for, you should just let it be,” one said.

Another commenter added, “If she’s in good hands then what’s the problem? I get he’s being a d*** but your daughter sounds like she’s being taken care of, she even might have a bond with this woman, I don’t see an issue although I would talk to step mum just in case she feels the same way, she could feel overwhelmed.”

In fact, several commenters urged this mom to check in with her ex’s wife to see how she feels about things, since she is apparently doing most of the parenting work. Some even suggested she work out a co-parenting arrangement with the stepmom, as opposed to doing it with the ex.

Other commenters were more sympathetic to this mom, however. “This woman’s complaint is that the stepmom is doing everything and the dad is not, including sleeping over constantly at other people’s house when he’s seeing her what, maybe 8 days out of the month? And all you can say is she’s complaining or jealous? Did you not read that it’s ordered that no one else is to babysit, that the bio parent will keep the child and the dad has a 14-year-old babysitting? You all sound like bitter stepmoms IMO glazing over facts. And FYI, I’m a stepmom too.”

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