A mom writes in asking for advice about how to explain to her 2-year-old son that his father is no longer in the picture. She says she finally ended a toxic, years-long relationship with the father of her child, but her son constantly asks to see or speak with his dad. However, communication is very limited due to the aforementioned toxicity of their relationship. This mom also wants to know how she might introduce a new love interest into her son’s life at some point.
A member of the community asks:
“How do I explain to my child that his dad and I are no longer together?
I finally ended my very toxic relationship of four years with my son’s father. It has been about 3 months and he has already moved on with my close friend of mine. My question is how do I explain to my 2-year-old son that mommy and daddy won’t be spending time together anymore? My sons ask to see his daddy all the time and call his daddy however it was a very bad break up and we do not speak outside of our son. Also, how do you introduce a new love interest who’s from your past back into your life once you have a child? I’m 21 very young and still learning so please be nice.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Doesn’t Know How to Explain to Her 2-Year-Old That She and the Child’s Father Are No Longer Together
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Simply tell him daddy loves him. And daddy is sleeping at his new place. Always enforce the positive no matter how bad you feel. And never tell your child that your new man is uncle cuz one day they will catch you in that lie.”
“Tell him daddy is sleeping somewhere else now darling, because he’s still a toddler he won’t understand anything other than that really. And in regard to the new/old love interest, I wouldn’t go there for at least a year to give yourself time to heal from the abuse and so you don’t have a new person in your son’s life straight away because he won’t understand.”
“It is clearly not a close friend of yours if she is dating your recent ex. IMO people you’re dating shouldn’t be around your children unless they are in all appearances just friends and not around more than friends. Don’t be the chick whose child always has a new “daddy”. That is not good for your child. If you haven’t yet then go to court and set visitation. Go to counseling if you can. You need to stop thinking about him as your ex. He is your son’s father and your co-parent. It will take some time for you to heal but for your son’s sake please focus on setting boundaries and doing your best to have a healthy co-parent relationship… again court is a great place to start with established custody/visitation to set expectations of when your son will see each parent. As far as telling your son “mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore but we both still love you”. Simple and all he needs to know.”
“Awee hun. Heartbreak is never easy. You’re still so so young and you have a very long road ahead of you to learn. That guy of yours and friend aren’t good people. It’s going to be hard not to think about it. Although try and keep your mind busy for you and that little guy. Allow him to talk to his dad. Try to remain as calm as possible when you come into physical contact. People show their true colors at times like this. Keep your eyes wide open and do not allow them to hurt you. Heal yourself. You need it.”
“For the child’s sake, avoid introducing anyone new until you are sure you are a couple. Not just a fast fling that may not last. It’s harder on the child to have new relationships over and over. As to explaining the end of a relationship to a two-year-old, keep it simple. Daddy lives here and mommy lives here. As he gets older you can explain more, if needed. Also, it will help to set up some visitation schedule. Obviously don’t deny your child the right to talk to dad but help him adjust to a new schedule.”
“He’s 2 he won’t really understand anything other then daddy sleeps at his own place now he loves you very much and you’ll see him soon. Set up a schedule so he has consistent calls with him or visits kids need consistency. Also no new love interests, he’s just a friend as far as your son is concerned, no lovey-dovey crap in front of him because as you have pointed out he’s still confused about the mommy-daddy thing. Wait a year before even bringing him around. Because he doesn’t need another male presence coming and going that’s confusing.”
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