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QUESTION: Do I have a right to be upset that the father of my child won’t add me on social media?
“My question is this – should I feel bothered that the father of my soon-to-be daughter refuses to have us as friends on Facebook? I know it is silly to think of doing something drastic like breaking up with him solely over “social media” which is how he tries to downplay it. Yes, I know social media acknowledgment means absolutely nothing, I know even if I am there, it doesn’t mean he is being faithful but isn’t it also something to be said if he refuses for me to be there at all? I am the mother of your soon-to-be child – how am I not allowed to be connected via social media? It’s crazy because I have even gotten down to the point where I express to him that I’m not trying to go crazy and start tagging him in a bunch of stuff or being some obnoxious Facebook friend, but why can’t I be there literally as just a friend?
To add, he claims he isn’t even on Facebook a lot and is deleting his page soon so he does not see the point in us being friends. He’s had the page forever, but now because I want to be friends, he claims he’s been meaning to delete the page. This has been a multi-month argument and the page is still there to add. He also has the app on his phone, and I often see him scrolling on it. So how exactly are you not on much? To me, if you weren’t on, you wouldn’t have the app. My reply is, then what’s the big deal to add me or not. He literally refuses. Am I dramatic? Am I making this mean more than it should? I think I’m more focused on his refusal to add me than anything else, which is now why I truly can’t give it up. What do you all think? (I’m also five months pregnant, so am I dwelling because of hormones?) I know we have bigger fish to fry with an upcoming baby, and I’ve got my ducks in a row there, but I also want to keep my head on straight as far as if this issue is an indication of further issues to come. Thank You All!”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
[between 10 to 15 good responses to question]
“If you have to ask, there’s already a huge problem. My soon to be husband and father to my girls is an open book and shows me off all over his social media. Be with someone proud to have you sis. You deserve it.”
“Regardless if you are Facebook friends or not you should still be able to leave a comment on your child’s father’s wall. I’d just post something on his wall like “hey babe, just wanted you to know how much I love you. I can’t wait to meet our baby!” Then you will be known and his reaction will make it perfectly clear what you should do. He should be proud of his women and mother of his child!”
“In my experience, it means your child’s father is not ready to be monogamous. Been there, done that.”
“The question is, is he hiding you from someone, or is he hiding someone from you?”
“That would bother me personally. I don’t go through my man’s phone or social media but am able to if I want to. I just don’t want to. I’d call t a red flag that he wouldn’t show me….”
“Social media shouldn’t be downplayed. It is literally how everyone connects now. That is weird and you probably should end the relationship because it isnt a relationship at all. If it bothers you, he should care and fix it. That’s how it works.”
“In my experience, if they don’t add you as friends on Facebook or show you off on Facebook, there’s a reason. He’s keeping you a secret from another girl.”
“If he has nothing to hide, he would add you. You are not overreacting.”
“He’s hiding “YOU” from social media… that means there’s definitely some extra side stuff goin on.”
“There’s absolutely NO reason why your man shouldn’t or wouldn’t be friends with you on social media.
I don’t care how ridiculous it may seem because it is “just” social media. But let’s face it, these days,
social media ruins relationships, especially if you let it.”
“Can you ask him for his phone and he hand it over with no issues? If so then there shouldn’t be a problem with not being friends because unless he’s amazing at his hiding skills it shows a level of trust that he’d hand over his phone. If he was hiding and thought he’d get caught at any point he’d stick to it like glue.”
“Trust your gut feeling. It’s never wrong, especially when there is a baby in there.”
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