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QUESTION: My Fiancé Won’t Let Me Wear a Bikini and My Self-Esteem Is Suffering: Advice?
“I’m getting married in June; my fiancé says bikinis are basically bras and underwear. We are getting married in Florida; I have two beautiful babies — both back to back — less than a month apart.
I have stretch marks, and all I’m comfortable wearing is bikinis. I’m already working out and trying to feel beautiful. I already made compromises on the wedding dress. I’m losing my confidence at this point.
All I want to do is cry; I’ve already been thinking about getting a tummy tuck and fat transfer. I don’t know what else I can do.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Being comfortable in your own skin is very important for mental health. Wear a bikini if you want. No one else choice but yours. Not matter your size or age be you. Others don’t like it, they don’t need to look.”
“This has nothing to do with how you look, and everything to do with him being controlling.”
“I wouldn’t walk down the aisle with him. That is sign of control.”
“Don’t marry him. You shouldn’t be with someone who tears your confidence down rather than building it up!”
“My suggestion: leave him at the altar while wearing your bikini. In all seriousness though, if he’s making you feel this way and you’re not even married it’s going to get worse. You deserve better.”
“First thought is if he’s making you uncomfortable about your body enough that you’ve compromise on your wedding dress you need a different man in your life. That’s emotional abuse and it will only get worse.”
“If you’ve had to change dress because he didn’t like it because of your body then you need to cancel this wedding and leave him. If he isn’t making you feel amazing in your body after birthing his kids then you need a proper man. So many red flags of control and abuse. Think before you tie yourself to him.”
“Throw the whole man away at this point. Sounds like emotional abuse, and it’ll only get worse once you’re married and he believes he has you trapped.”
“So is he against you wearing a bikini because he’s against all women wearing bikinis or is he just against you wearing a bikini because of how he perceives you? Either way, yikes.”
“He should be supportive of you. I wouldn’t want to marry a guy that made me feel like that.”
“He may just want a conservative wife. I would seriously suggest having an open and honest conversation about it. You need to know his expectations. On the other hand… I’ve been married 19 years and my husband has never EVER voiced his opinion in a negative way about how I dress. Sounds like a huge red flag concerning control issues. Don’t get in the habit of collecting red flags.”
“I am riddled with stretch marks and when I put my bikini on I feel uncomfortable until my man is doing his googly eyes and telling me how sexy I am. I would really rethink it with him honestly. If he doesn’t make you feel sexy no matter how you look he ain’t the one.”
“If it’s about him being uncomfortable with your body, to me that is a huge red flag. I wouldn’t marry a man that didn’t like my body and didn’t make me feel amazing about myself. I have had a fat transfer and i plan on getting a breast lift and tummy tuck after I am done having kids. So i understand that, but that is bc i want to do it. My husband loves my body and has loved my body in all of its stages. You deserve better.”
“You made compromises on your wedding dress? Was it a price matter or he didn’t like the dress? Do not let him dictate what you wear. If you do, it will only get worse. First, it’s a bikini then, it’s the shade of lipstick… until he is dictating everything you are allowed to wear and buy. Put your foot down now before it’s too late.”
“Sounds controlling and like a huge mistake. I have never herd of a man trying to control what the wedding dress looks like. And a bikini is swim wear. Did you wear bikinis when you met ? If so WHY is it an issue at all. Sounds like he is a control freak. Force him to wear a wetsuit. Or better yet don’t marry him and wear whatever the hell you want any time.”
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