A mom writes in asking for advice about an argument she had with her friend in which the friend told her, “No wonder you’re single.” This mom was very hurt by this comment for many reasons, not least of which is the fact that her last longterm relationship was abusive. She wants to know if she is overreacting to being told such a thing or if she has a right to be upset.
A member of the community asks:
“Does anyone else get mad when someone says “no wonder why you are single”?
Does anyone else get peeved off when someone says ‘no wonder you are single’ in an argument? Or am I being too touchy? I recently had a disagreement with my friend because when I go shopping for essentials, I have to take my 4-year-old and I put a face mask on him, many say they don’t prevent the virus but either way it prevents him from putting his hands in his mouth… and my friend said on a photo of him in the mask that he looks stupid, so we had a little argument but she said to me ‘no wonder you are single’.
I left an abusive relationship 2 years ago and she knows this, the abuse was so bad he no longer has PR to our son and has served time in prison. I’ve never had a relationship since then, I’ve been on dates but never gone any further because I generally enjoy being on my own with just myself and son. I feel like I don’t need a man to fulfill my happiness and I get really mad when people suggest otherwise. What can my response be to people that make comments like this? Because when I tell them ‘I’m single because I want to be not because I have to be’ they think it’s an excuse.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know if She Is Overreacting After Being Told, ‘No Wonder You’re Single’
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Having a disagreement is one thing, but even before the comment about being single, you wrote that she said your son looks stupid and that alone would be enough to question your ‘friendship.’ The way this reads, she basically said you’re single because you defend and protect your child and then stand up for yourself. Perhaps she’s not really a friend. Seems she would offer to watch your kid so you could go shopping alone… or maybe she just wants to complain because she’s a miserable person.”
“I don’t think you’re offense is to the single comment bc your parenting doesn’t reflect how you would be in your relationship. I personally do not bring my children out but I also know some people don’t have the luxury of having someone stay home with their kids. Tell her not to judge you unless she’s willing to help you! People complain before even thinking that sometimes someone is doing the very best they can with what they have.”
“That statement used to get to me. However, I realized it isn’t necessarily negative and my defensiveness changed. There’s nothing wrong with being single or having standards. My response to these statements is “yep” with a smile. That confuses people and it ends that conversation. Boundaries can be powerful.”
“That’s not a friend even in the loosest sense of the word. She looks stupid commenting on your child like that.”
“If you feel you owe an explanation to a “friend” maybe she’s not really a true friend… not to mention the fact she insulted your little boy. Props to you, momma, for understanding you don’t need a man to be happy, other than your little boy of course. Best of luck to you, and remember you do not owe anyone any explanation for what brings happiness in your life.”
“Pfft that’s not a friend. Cut all ties with so-called friend.”
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