Long live the dad joke but mom jokes are just so much better! Sorry, dads, but moms just have a way with humor that’s unbeatable. We think we can attribute this to a mom’s ability to laugh at herself. From pregnancy to menopause, moms can find humor in all of the things that they go through. These mom jokes are fun for the whole family as some can be told to young children and others to fellow moms! There is no shortage of things to laugh about!
We decided to round up all of the best funny mom jokes out there to share some mama humor with you. We were pleasently surprised to stumble across tons of funny jokes about all sorts of things. If you need a deeply satisfying laugh, you have come to the right place as we have have found some of the best punchlines the internet has to offer. Now, let’s get joking, mama!
Get Ready to Roll! These Funny Mom Jokes Are Everything!
Funny Mom Jokes That Are Absolutely Hilarious
- What three words solve every dad’s problems? Ask your mother.
- When did you know you were a mother? When I realized 90 percent of my day was locating someone else’s lost crap.
- What did the mama rope say to her child? “Don’t be knotty.”
- Why did the mom cross the road? To get some peace and quiet!
- My housekeeping style as a mom can best be described as… “there appears to have been a struggle.”
- Mom at Night: “Tomorrow, I’m going to get up early before all of the kids, pack their lunches, go for a run, cook a healthy breakfast, and enjoy 20 minutes of silent ‘me time.’” Mom in the Morning: “Hahahahahaha. Nice try.”
- Why don’t they have Mother’s Day sales? Because mothers are priceless.
- Where do newborn Transformers come from? Opti-Mom Prime.
- Motherhood: When changing from plaid flannel PJs into black yoga pants qualifies as “getting dressed.”
- What’s the fastest land mammal? A toddler who’s been asked, “What’s in your mouth!?”
- My kids asked me what it was like to be a mom. So, I woke them all up at 3 a.m. demanding to know where my lucky underwear was.
- Before having kids, each mom thinks she’ll be a super-chill, cool mom. That’s because, at that point, she had no idea they’d break all her stuff, make ridiculous demands, and take about 10 years to get out of the car.
More Epicly Funny Mom Jokes
- Son: “When is Mother’s Day, Dad?” Dad: (drowsily unplugging the vacuum) “Every day son, every single day.”
- A child asks his dad, “What’s a man?” The dad says, “A man is someone who is responsible and cares for their family.” The kid says, “I hope one day I can be a man just like mom!”
- What kind of boat is just barely staying afloat, yet somehow manages to function? The mother ship.
- How many mothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, clearly, and she has to do it or else it won’t get done.
- Baby snake asks: “Mommy, are we venomous?” Mama snake replies: “Yes, son. Why?” Baby snake says: “I just bit my tongue!”
- Mom’s recipe for iced coffee: Have kids. Make coffee. Forget you made coffee. Put it in the microwave. Forget you put it in the microwave. Drink it cold.
You Need These Mom Jokes In Your Life!
- “It’s spicy” is universal mama code for “I don’t want to share.”
- Boy says: “My mom is having a new baby.” Girl replies: “What’s wrong with the old one?”
- Why is Mother’s Day before Father’s Day? So the children can just spend all their Christmas money on mom.
- I bought my mom a mug that says, “Happy Mother’s Day from the World’s Worst Son.” I forgot to mail it, but I think she knows.
- Pointed look from mama: “Give you money? Oh, honey, I already gave you life.”
- Roses are red, Violets are blue. My mom’s jokes, Are funnier than you.
You Need These Funny Mom Jokes In Your Life!
- Mom: “Come down for dinner!” Kid: “I’m busy, mom!” Mom: “Right now before it gets cold!” (kid runs down the stairs) Kid: “Where’s the food?” Mom: “It’ll be ready in five minutes.”
- My nickname is Mommy. But my full name is “Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom.”
- Why did the bean children give their mom a sweater? She was chili.
- Why was the house so tidy on Mother’s Day? Because Mom spent all day Saturday cleaning it.
- How do you get the kiddos to be quiet? Just say, “Mum’s the word.”
- What warm drink helps mom relax? Calm-omile tea.
Keep Scrolling for Even More Funny Mom Jokes
- What color flowers do mom cats like to get? Purrrrrrrple flowers.
- Why did they have to rush the mama rattlesnake to the doctor? She bit her tongue!
- I stubbed my toe and my mom scolded me for yelling, “What the duck!” She was mad that I used fowl language.
- You know you’re a mom when… Picking up another human to smell their butt isn’t only normal, it’s necessary.
- Whoever wrote the song “Easy Like Sunday Morning” did not have children.
- I feel personally victimized by my very own daughter. I just want her to stop throwing crackers at me.
More Funny Mom Jokes to Fall In Love With
- Spit up is my new favorite accessory; no outfit is complete without it.
- I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.
- Silence is golden. Unless you have children, then silence is suspicious.
- At my age I’m no longer a snack; I’m a Happy Meal because I come with toys and kids.
- Never doubt a mom! She can carry a screaming toddler, two gallons of milk, have a conversation on her cell phone, and still shoot you daggers for looking at her wrong.
- What sweets do alien moms like? Mars bars.
More Funny Mom Jokes to Get Into
- Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook.
- What makes more noise than a child jumping on mommy’s bed? Two children jumping on mommy’s bed!
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Adore. Adore who? Adore you mommy!
- “Mike, can’t you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?” — Michelangelo’s mom
- “Humpty, If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? No!” — Humpty Dumpty’s mom
- What did the mama broom say to the baby broom? “It’s time to go to sweep!”
Even More Funny Mom Jokes That Will Make You Giggle
- What did the mom say to the foal? “It’s pasture your bedtime.”
- What are the three quickest ways to spread a rumor? The internet, telephone, and telling your mom.
- Why is a computer so smart? Because it listens to its motherboard.
- Don’t wake up mom! There are at least seven species that eat their young. Your mama may be one of them.
- Daughter: “Mom, I really need some personal space!” Mom: “You came out of my personal space.”
- Son: “Mama, can I get $20?” Mama: “Does it look like I’m made of money?” Son: “Well, isn’t that what M.O.M stands for?”
More Mom Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone
- What did the baby corn say to the mommy corn? “Where’s Pop Corn?”
- Mother: (n.) One person who does the work of 25 for free.
- I asked a police recruit during an exam, “What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?” He said, “You better call for backup.”
- Why did the cookie cry? Because his mother was a wafer so long!
- What do you call a small mom? Minimum (Mini-Mum)
- A mother said to her daughter, “Look at that kid over there; she’s not misbehaving.” The daughter replied, “Maybe he has good parents then!”
Keep Reading for More Funny Mom Jokes
- Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because her mom was in a jam!
- What did Mommy spider say to baby spider? “You spend too much time on the web.”
- Science teacher: “When is the boiling point reached?” Student: “When my mom sees my report card!”
- “I’ve got a bill here for a broken chair from a Bear family. Do you know anything about this, Goldie?” — Goldilocks’ mother
- Daughter: “Mom, what’s it like to have the greatest daughter in the world?” Mom: “I don’t know dear, ask your grandmom.”
- Mommy: “Mommy will think about it!” Narrator Voice: “Mommy never thought about it. She knew it was ‘no’ all along and just wanted everyone to STFU.”
Funny Mom Jokes That Will Warm Your Heart
- “I love all my children equally. Except for the one that sleeps. I love that one more.” — Ancient Mommy Proverb
- What did the panda give his mommy? A bear hug.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Howard. Howard who? Howard you like breakfast in bed mommy?
- What was Cleopatra’s favorite day of the year? Mummy’s Day.
- Being a mom means: Having the amazing ability to hear a sneeze through closed doors, in the middle of the night, three bedrooms away — while dad snores next to you.
- “Nothing is really lost until Mom can’t find it.” Ancient Mommy Proverb
Funny Mom Jokes You’ll Get a Kick Out Of
- A legend: If you take a shower and scream “Mom” three times, a nice lady appears with the towel you forgot.
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Omelet. Omelet who? Omelet Mommy sleep in today.
- “Why yes! Please, get a new cup every time you need water.” — said no mom ever.
- Mom: Licked a dark smear off my finger, and then thought, “Phew it’s chocolate.”
- I hate when I’m waiting for mom to cook dinner. Then, I remember I am the mom, and I have to cook dinner.
- Your mom’s voice is so loud, even your neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed.
More Mom Jokes That You Will Love
- My mother told me I’d never amount to anything because I procrastinate too much. I said, “Oh, yeah? Just you wait.”
- What kind of flower is best for Mother’s Day? Mums.
- Why did the mama cat want to go bowling? She was an alley cat.
- How do you keep little cows quiet, so their mama can sleep late? Use the moooooote button.
- Why did the mama horse want to race on a rainy day? She was a mudder.
- Seven-year-old: “I’m hungry” Mom: “Have some fruit” Seven-year-old: “I don’t want fruit.” Mom: “Then you’re not hungry.”
Keep It Rolling with These Mom Jokes
- Kid: “What’s for dinner?” Mama: “Food” Kid: “What kind?” Mama: “The kind you eat”
- Knock, knock. Who’s there? Yo mama. Yo mama who? Yo mama who knows you didn’t throw out the garbage like I asked you to.
- Motherhood is fun and all… But, have you ever had the house alone on a Saturday?
- “Moms with teenagers know why animals eat their young.” — Old Adage
- Son: “Ma, what’s a weekend?” Ma: “I don’t know, sweetheart, I haven’t had one since you were born.”
- There are two amounts of pasta mothers are good at cooking: Not enough and enough for 5,000 people.
More Funny Mom Jokes That Mamas Love
- I love my kids. Just not enough to flip the fish sticks halfway through cooking, but I do love them.
- “Mom, are bugs good to eat?” asked the boy. “Let’s not talk about such things at the dinner table, son,” his mom replied. After dinner, the mom asked, “Now, baby, what did you want to ask me?” “Oh, nothing,” the boy said. “There was a fly in your soup, but now it’s gone.”
- What do you call a mother who isn’t around much and can’t seem to get their underwear into the hamper? Dad.
- To Mom: “I’m hungry, I’m tired, I’m cold, I’m hot, can I have… where are you?” To Dad: “Where’s Mom?”
- Mom to son: “I’m warning you. If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs, don’t come running to me!”
- What is a jumper? Something you wear when your mother gets cold.
Funny Mom Jokes Just for Jollies
- Please excuse the mess! My kids are making memories. Memories of me yelling at them to clean up the mess.
- She believed she could, and she almost did… But then, someone asked her repeatedly for a snack and she totally lost track of what she was doing.
- Motherhood: Because going to the bathroom in private is over-rated.
- They say women speak 20,000 words a day. I have a daughter who gets that done by breakfast.
- A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do in a day.
- Finally, my winter fat is gone. Now, I have spring rolls.
More Hilarious Mom Jokes
- What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
- I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon… I’ll let you know.
- What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? Elephino.
- How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten-tickles.
- My husband suggested I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.
- Mom, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!
More Funny Mom Jokes to Annoy Your Kid With
- What time did mom go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
- What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
- Mama, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
- If a child refuses to nap, are they guilty of resisting a rest?
- I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Spring is finally here! I got so excited I wet my plants.
More Mom Jokes to Keep You Laughing
- What’s a mama astronaut’s favorite part of the computer? The space bar.
- I hate it when people say “age is only a number.” Age is clearly a word.
- Why didn’t the vampire attack Taylor Swift? She had bad blood.
- My husband and I have decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty badly.
- Last week, I was washing the car with my son. He said, “Mom, can’t you just use a sponge?”
- I tried to explain to my 4-year-old daughter that it’s perfectly normal to accidentally poop your pants. But she’s still making fun of me.
Funny Mom Jokes That You Can Tell Again and Again
- A boy asks, “Mom, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?” The mom replies, “No sun.”
- A mom tells her son that he was adopted. “I want to meet my biological parents,” the son says. “We are your biological parents,” the mother replies. “Now pack up, the new ones will pick you up in twenty minutes.”
- *In Mary Poppin’s voice* “Kids, time to go!” 15 minutes later *Christian Bale’s Batman voice* “I said let’s go.”
- A mother’s main diet is her child’s leftovers.
- Becoming a mom means your kid is the one who’s up drinking all night. But, you’re the one with the hangover in the morning.
- Behind the scenes of every picture taken at home, there’s a mom who’s shoving random crap out of the frame so the house looks clean.
Keep Scrolling for More Funny Mom Jokes
- Being a mother has taught me that the main cause of dehydration in small children is bedtime.
- Being a mother is like you constantly have to clean up after a party you didn’t attend.
- Child: “Stop making jokes you’re not funny.” Mom: “Well, I made you.”
- Guide for baking with your children: First Step: Don’t.
- How many bottles should you have when you’ve got a toddler? Two. One for baby and one for mama.
- I child-proofed my house but my kids can still get in!
Keep Reading for Even More Mom Jokes
- I Googled all my symptoms. It turns out I have kids.
- I must admit that I’ve never done CrossFit, but I have buckled a screaming child into a car seat at the speed of light.
- I opened the first little door on my Moms Advent Calendar… A pile of dirty laundry fell out.
- I really want my children to be head-strong and strong-willed individuals. Just not while I’m raising them!
- I used to watch scary movies for entertainment. Now, I just watch my kids bake in my kitchen.
- I usually only let crazy mom out a few times a month… Just enough so that the kids are always aware she exists.
More Funny Mom Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle
- If a mom doesn’t have a used gift bag full of other used gift bags, is she even a mom?
- If you ever need a moment to yourself, just shout “1, 2, 3, mom is lava!” You will get a few moments to enjoy your coffee in peace.
- I was asked to write parenting advice in a guestbook for a baby shower, so I just left them my favorite daiquiri recipe.
- Mom: “I love being a mom. Being a mom is so fulfilling!” Also Mom: *googling* “How do I fake my own coma?”
- Mom sleep: It’s like regular sleep but without the sleep.
- My kid asked me if I was happy while I was tucking them in. I responded that I was on cloud wine.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE: 125 Hilarious Yo Mama Jokes
Our Favorite Funny Mom Jokes
- “Never yell at your kids. Lean in and whisper instead; it’s much scarier,” — Ancient Motherhood Adage
- What did mama shark say to teen shark? Don’t be sharkastic with me!
- What did the child say when their mom gave them grilled cheese? “This might be cheesy, but I think you are grate.”
- What kind of bags do moms collect? Eye bags.
- What’s a mother’s favorite dinner? Anything she doesn’t have to make herself.
- When a child says “Daddy, I want mommy,” that’s the child version of “I want to speak to a manager.”
There you go! We hope you got a kick out of these funny mom jokes. After all, we can’t let dads have all the fun with those cheesy jokes. Whether they’re picking fun at themselves, their pregnancies, or their little ones, moms really use a lot of humor to make the best of any situation. Now, go ahead and share these funny mom jokes with the world! There can never be enough mom jokes!
Andrew is an Assistant Editor for Mamas Uncut with over ten years of experience as a writer in the creative, marketing, and blogging spaces. After studying Film and Art History, he developed a passion for telling stories in a variety of mediums. Obsessively making lists, reporting celebrity news, and diving into emerging pop cultural topics are a few of his interests.
- 1 Get Ready to Roll! These Funny Mom Jokes Are Everything!
- 1.1 Funny Mom Jokes That Are Absolutely Hilarious
- 1.2 More Epicly Funny Mom Jokes
- 1.3 You Need These Mom Jokes In Your Life!
- 1.4 You Need These Funny Mom Jokes In Your Life!
- 1.5 Keep Scrolling for Even More Funny Mom Jokes
- 1.6 More Funny Mom Jokes to Fall In Love With
- 1.7 More Funny Mom Jokes to Get Into
- 1.8 Even More Funny Mom Jokes That Will Make You Giggle
- 1.9 More Mom Jokes to Tickle Your Funny Bone
- 1.10 Keep Reading for More Funny Mom Jokes
- 1.11 Funny Mom Jokes That Will Warm Your Heart
- 1.12 Funny Mom Jokes You’ll Get a Kick Out Of
- 1.13 More Mom Jokes That You Will Love
- 1.14 Keep It Rolling with These Mom Jokes
- 1.15 More Funny Mom Jokes That Mamas Love
- 1.16 Funny Mom Jokes Just for Jollies
- 1.17 More Hilarious Mom Jokes
- 1.18 More Funny Mom Jokes to Annoy Your Kid With
- 1.19 More Mom Jokes to Keep You Laughing
- 1.20 Funny Mom Jokes That You Can Tell Again and Again
- 1.21 Keep Scrolling for More Funny Mom Jokes
- 1.22 Keep Reading for Even More Mom Jokes
- 1.23 More Funny Mom Jokes That Will Make You Chuckle
- 1.24 Our Favorite Funny Mom Jokes
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.