One woman is butting heads with her own mother after giving birth because the mother refused to be called “grandma.”
“There’s a lot of background to this but the short version is that I (then 17, now 27f) got pregnant as a teenager, stayed with the baby daddy, had another kid with him, then he dumped me. Mum (then 39, now 49) said some really horrible things, and refused to act as a grandma to my 2 kids, ages 7f and 9m.”
“I’m now married to someone else and we had a baby back in January. Now I’ve had a child in wedlock, mum wants to be a grandma. Can’t find a place to slip this in organically but my husband also had a child from before the marriage, a 4-year-old, who mum treats the same as my older kids.”
The OP revealed she hadn’t even told her mom when she had a newborn and she found out along with everyone else when she announced the birth on social media a couple weeks ago.
“When we announced on facebook, this was also when mum learned that the baby had been born. I already told dad and stepmum personally. This caused a fight between us and I blocked her for a bit. I’ve unblocked her a few days ago, gone on her profile, and literally the top 10 posts are just about being a “grandma”. I then made a few passive-aggressive comments on her posts about how she’s been a grandma for almost a decade now and she’s never met my newborn.”
“A few hours later I saw my comments had been deleted so I posted on my page that I was incredibly grateful to my baby’s grandparents – my dad, my stepmum, and my husband’s parents – for all the love and support they had shown to me, my husband, my kids, and this baby, and how grateful I was for family. A few people were like ‘OP you forgot your mum’ and I just responded that everyone who should be mentioned is mentioned already.”
This obviously did not go over well with the OP’s mom….
“Mum has called me and yelled/cried over the phone, saying I’m a horrible daughter and making her feel and look like a shit mother/grandmother and I need to take the post down. I refused. This has caused a schism with several people thinking I shouldn’t have aired our dirty laundry in public and that mum’s posts do nothing to affect me while my post was designed to hurt mum, so I should take my post down, while the other camp think that she deserved it and I merely corrected public record.”
The mom also added how she “just wants to be the grandma to the baby,” and the other kids — who are 4, 7 and 9, are not allowed to call her grandma because “it makes her feel old.”
One person said: “Yeah, Grandma should never even meet this baby. I’m from a family where the grandparents prioritized some kids while totally ignoring the others, dependent on skin color and how much we “looked/acted like our mother’s people,” and that shit has knock-on effects that travel down decades.“
While another commented: “Yup. We stopped going over to a set of grandparents when the kids started noticing the blatant favoritism. Best thing we ever could have done. If you don’t love all my kids you don’t get any of my kids.”
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