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QUESTION: How can I get my husband to clean up after himself?
“My husband seriously does not EVER clean up after himself! He will leave trash all over the kitchen counter when the trash bin is right behind him. He leaves clothes everywhere and never puts them in the laundry hamper. He will leave his plates and utensils sit on the table after he eats and never takes them to the sink or put them in the dishwasher. If he makes dinner, he leaves all ingredients out, cabinets open, and dirty pots and pans sit on the stove.
We have a toddler, and I’m 32 weeks pregnant, so it’s so frustrating that the energy I do have is to take care of his messes!!! I’m one person and can’t clean 24/7! I have tried to point out his messes, not yell at him because yelling doesn’t work, and ask did you forget to do something? He, in return, yells at me and asks, why didn’t you just take care of it for me!? How do I get it through his head I am his wife, not his maid, that he is a 32-year-old man and needs to clean up after himself???“
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The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Don’t do it. Only clean up after yourself and your child. Don’t do his laundry, cook for him or anything else. He will eventually see the clothes and dishes piling up and realize something has to change. It isn’t your job. You both live in the house and you both have equal responsibility. Had to do that with my husband and he finally realized that I was serious about being done cleaning up after him. He now does a very good job about cleaning up and taking care of things.”
“That sounds so familiar. All I can say is good luck. Keep at him about everything. What I do is I put it all on his desk so he can’t use his computer without dealing with it.”
“Tell him you’re exhausted and need him to step in and be a partner. A heart-to-heart is in order. He probably will feel attacked but you have to be calm and matter of fact. Reassure him you love him and appreciate him, but you need him right now. Ask him what chores he wants to be in charge of. Have a list. Let him see what all you have to do. Work together and remind him getting mad will not solve anything. You need solutions.”
“Stop cleaning. Stop doing his laundry.If he continues to yell at you, it may be time to revaluate your relationship.”
“I wouldn’t say anything anymore, just stop tidying his messes. If there’s something you need to use that he hasn’t cleaned, you clean it to use and then leave it back dirty for him, clean and tidy after yourself specifically and nothing else. Don’t tell him what you’re doing. He’s gotten used to the fact you’ll do it all and nagging like a mum to a child just doesn’t work for men even though that’s what they basically are. It might be painful to live in a mess but it won’t be long.”
“Make a chart, check off every time you pick up something of his, at the end of the month add up the points to dollar value and give him a piece of paper with that amount and say pay up, housekeepers aren’t free.”
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