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“I usually go through my husband’s phone; it’s been a habit to look through his social media account, messages, or photos. He usually doesn’t mind. I recently gave birth to our 2nd baby, and my husband seemed a bit withdrawn, so on one of my random “checking” through his phone, I found messages. He initiated conversations with girls saying, hi, or how are you? Short messages, I really didn’t bother till this particular message; he actually messaged his ex-girlfriend.
I know it sounds dumb, and it was nosey of me, but I felt he was keeping something from me. I didn’t confront him till a week later when I found out through a notification on my timeline saying they are friends now. It broke me into pieces, and I felt so mad. Upon confronting him, he said it was just a random Hi and Bye message and that he was sorry.
So he actually took the step of actually deleting all his social media accounts and messages. He begged me to give him another chance for the sake of our marriage and the kids. I was willing to walk away at that point, but I don’t want my kids to suffer because of my decision. We have had our ups and downs in our marriage, but we always solved them; this issue, though, really broke my heart. Should I give him that chance?? Or should I not??”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Honestly its up to you, sometimes people can fix it and get over it, other people it can haunt them and its hard to let go and it can cause more issues or unhappiness. Feel for what you can handle. Most of the time it happens again sadly..”
“You are probably full of new baby hormones & overreacting. Sounds like he did say “Hi and bye” to an ex, but maybe I’m missing something. Try marriage counseling before you throw in the towel. Why do you feel it’s necessary to go through his phone? Is there a pattern of misbehavior established? It’s best if you can work through things like adults and can strengthen the marriage and your communication as a result, but if not, just be the best co-parents you can be. Sending positive vibes, & congratulations on your new baby.”
“Honestly, if he went as far as deleting his social media over a simple “hi/bye” message, there’s probably more that he didn’t want you to find. In my experience, they delete everything so you can’t dig deeper. My husband’s affair started out with a simple “how ya been” message to an ex. We are getting past his infidelity, and it is possible that your husband’s didn’t get that far. He may have enough to respect for you to stop it from going any deeper than you have already expressed dislike of. If both of you want to be happy, you can be. Try counseling if you feel it will help.”
“I’m not sure why anyone would try to make you feel bad for having trust issues.
Lots of people do and it is not your fault! You should be able to go through your husbands phone anytime you want and not find anything! To me this would be unacceptable. He is crossing the line. You aren’t going to hurt your children, you didn’t do anything wrong.
He did. If he can’t make some changes and prove himself then leave. Your children deserve to see a happy healthy relationship. Don’t teach them that secrecy and lies are normal in a relationship. Don’t waste your life on someone you cannot trust. Someone who loves you wouldn’t put you in a position to question their loyalty.”
“Random checks of his phone is definitely not a sign of a healthy relationship. If you can’t trust your partner than there is no point in being together.”
“I mean, hi and bye is really nothing. He knows you go through his stuff so he didn’t feel like it was inappropriate.”
“If you have to constantly go through your husband’s phone. Your relationship is already over. You clearly don’t respect him as you don’t give him any sort of privacy.”
“I think if he was willing to delete everything just to make sure you where comfortable is a big step but I’ve been in a relationship where things where basically over for me and I found little things like this to chose to end it if that’s the case I would just be upfront and honest that you are done.”
“Just because he deleted social media does not mean he cant get it back or make another account in a different name.”
“Just talk to him. Ask him if he is unhappy with your marriage. See what he says if you are happy with him and he is happy with you find out an act accordingly.”
“If you feel the need to be “randomly checking” his social media and going through all his messages that answers your question I would think.”
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