My Husband Has Barely Been There for Me During Pregnancy, Birth, and a New Baby: Where Do I Go From Here?

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QUESTION: My Husband Has Barely Been There for Me During Pregnancy, Birth, and More. He Promised to Change, But He’s Back to Old Behavior… What Do I Do?

“I need some advice; I am a new mum to a 3-month-old adorable baby. I had a rocky marriage during my pregnancy… my husband was not helping out at home, left all the chores to me, was inconsiderate of my pregnancy pains, even during the Covid restrictions, he would find ways to go and see his friends and just drink till like 3 am in the morning.

His excuse was because of working from home, he just wants to get out of the house during weekends. It got so bad that I decided to move out after he didn’t sleep home two nights in a row. We separated for two months after that.

We got back together a month before I was due to give birth following lots of pleading and begging and promises to change; we attended counseling as well. Following the birth of our daughter, the same behavior has started; it’s been hard for me because I had a C-section, the recovery hasn’t been easy.

My husband doesn’t seem to care about that; he still leaves me home alone during weekends and during weekdays after he is done working… he doesn’t help out with the baby at all. I have brought this up twice already, and I get the same answers as before… he just wants to get out of the house and hang with his friends, if I need him, I can just call him.

I am so totally fed up that I am really thinking about divorce; I have been a single mum for so long… I might as well make it official.”

RELATED: My Husband’s Behavior During the Pandemic Really Bothers and Worries Me: Advice?

My Husband Has Barely Been There for Me During Pregnancy, Birth, and a New Baby: Where Do I Go From Here?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“He’s not gonna change. You need to stand up for yourself and your daughter. You don’t want your daughter seeing that’s the way a husband treats his wife.”

“If your mindset has made it to ‘I’ve been a single mom for so long already’ you are ready to move forward alone. You deserve better.”

“First husband and I separated while I was pregnant because of this, immaturity, abuse, drugs, etc. He was in an accident the day before I filed for divorce. Daughter was 2 weeks old. He died 2 weeks later. In the next 16 months I sold my house, bought another and had it fully remodeled, finished a bachelor’s degree and raised my daughter alone…

… Then, out of the blue I had an amazing man fall into my lap unexpectedly. He is the most amazing man and we married 6 months later. After that he adopted my daughter. I had finally come to the conclusion that I didn’t need a man to be happy and if he wasn’t perfect and going to love me and my daughter like we deserved then we would be fine without one. I guess God had other plans because here we are 3 1/2 years later still amazing with our oldest now about to be 5 and an almost 5-month-old little girl…

… He looks like he would be such a tough guy at 6’ tall, big guy, diesel mechanic with a beard, but he sits right there and lets his daughter put ponytails in his beard and paint his nails. I now have a relationship that I hope my girls aspire to have one day with their husbands. Be brave and not only leave for yourself, but also for your child to have the best example of how to be as a person. It doesn’t sound like your partner is going to be able to set that example.”

“I think you already have your answer. What is he doing for you that you can’t do for yourself??? Don’t have your daughter growing up in a household where your husband’s behavior is made to look acceptable to her as a woman.”

“Once in a while to hang with friends is fine. Everyone, including you, can use some down time, but not almost every night. You’ve attempted counseling. You already know in your heart that this isn’t right or “normal”. You can do it alone, sweetie—you already are. Take care of yourself and your baby girl.”

“I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I went through something similar with my first baby and her father. He was doing meth behind my back, didn’t help me with chores, was mean to me, I spent many nights alone because he wanted to be at the bar instead. He ended up in jail when our baby was 3 months old for domestic violence against me…

… I am now pregnant again about to give birth with my husband who is fantastic and helps as much as he can and treats me the way we are supposed to be treated.I agree with the others posts, his behavior will not change and you are probably better off alone, no need to stress or worry about him, just focus on the baby.”

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