A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband, who is likely an alcoholic. She says he drinks a 6-pack of beer every day, and much more on the weekends. He does not work, his memory has degraded, he refuses to admit he has a problem or seek help, and he tells her to accept him as he is. This mom may be reaching the end of her rope and is looking for advice.
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband drinks a 6-pack of beer a day: Advice?
The husband of 20 years has drunk beer, at least a six-pack every single day. Weekends usually much more. At this point, he refuses to work. His memory is shot, his brain isn’t functioning like it uses to. He denies he has a problem and refuses to stop drinking. Says because it’s just beer it’s ok. He starts drinking around 3 pm and drinks until 9 Every single day. He can’t remember conversations, or things I tell him even the next day. He says I should accept him how he is. It’s destroying my love for him. He’s choosing beer over me. It’s been this way for 20 years. Advice?”
– Mamas Uncut Community Member
Community Advice for This Mom Whose Husband Drinks So Much Alcohol It Has Ruined Their Relationship
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice Summary
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I think you should already know what to do. 20 years is a long time to put up with this. So now you’re an enabler. You’ve allowed him to do this for 20 years. You can either stay and chose history over healthy or you can leave and chose to no longer enable him.”
“It’s not the amount of alcohol, it’s having to do it every day that’s the problem. He’s definitely an alcoholic and he needs intervention. I’m sorry.”
“Visit an AlAnon meeting. Your husband is an addict in denial.”
“He’s a functioning alcoholic sadly. Are there any substance misuse centers near you? They offer support to family as well as addicts. Sending you hugs, take your time to make your decision, and stay strong.”
“Is it only 6 a day? My husband’s dad would drink lots more now he is living in a caravan at his parents, my husband and most of his other siblings won’t talk to him because of it and other issues that have stemmed from his drinking. Hopefully you have a strong family that will help you with an intervention. We tried but no one would join us to confront him. Good luck.”
“Someone who drinks every day is an alcoholic. Period. If you crave it and need it, you are addicted to it. Plain and simple. 6 beers a day isn’t a few. After 20 years I highly doubt his behavior will change. If talking to him and expressing to him how it makes you feel didn’t do ANYTHING than I would just leave. But 20 years of being addicted won’t change overnight even if the person addicted tried their hardest to break it. I honestly don’t see your situation changing and I’d recommend you just leave. A person will only change if they want to.”
“Alcoholism is a disease. Many are in denial about it for a long time before they get help. Do what you can, without hurting yourself, to help him. Get him into rehab and AA. You should also get yourself into therapy because it is going to be difficult for you too.”
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