“I lost my mom days ago to cancer. I had a good relationship with her and my sisters. I took part of her care and my husband helped a lot in the past few month[s]. He loved mom or so I thought,” the OP (Original Poster) began.
“He helped me take care of her home, he’d visit daily when I stayed with her and he cleaned her yard, walked her dogs, handled her financial issues (he’s an accountant) brought her stuff she needed before she went to the hospital. Be never complained about the efforts he made or time he took to help her out.”
“I [received] the news of her passing from my sister at 6 pm. My husband got home within 30 minutes. He was resting on the couch in the living room when I came downstairs and my face was very telling but he didn’t notice somehow. He casually talked about how long and hard his day was and didn’t notice that I didn’t say a word.”
“I spoke up and told him my mother just passed. He asked when and I told him about an hour ago. He leaned back and stared at me for a long minute Then said ‘so, what’s for dinner?'”
“I froze in my place I looked at him and he said ‘What? You don’t need me to take you to the hospital? We gotta eat first.’ I blew up at him and called him [unbelievable] for his response to the news of my mom’s death. He argued back talking about how he was working nonstop all day without having time to eat anything. Then [basically] talked about all the things he’s done for mom and how he [owes] nobody nothing,” the OP continued.
“He said he was sorry for needing to eat after coming home hungry after working for hours and said that my reaction and lashing out was MISPLACED and unfair. I stormed off upstairs and got ready to go meet my sister. He wanted me to wait til he eat something but I refused to speak and left.”
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“I stayed with my sister after the funeral. He came to try to talk to me but I felt I wasn’t ready. My sister was confused saying no matter what his response was to the news, my husband doesn’t deserve this treatment from me after he helped out and I should just try to work it out with him but I told her to stay out of it,” the OP concluded.
One user said: “He paused for dramatic effect and this is the gem he comes up with? And somehow in his mind his long day and skipped meal is somehow more traumatic than the loss of a parent? I’m sorry but that’s not a normal human response. Even if you have impartial feelings for someone, the appropriate response after hearing of a loss is to give condolences. OP absolutely should take time to process her grief and her relationship. Please if you aren’t doing so speak to a grief counselor or therapist and not just strangers on the internet. NTA.”
While another commented: “NTA. The first thing he said wasn’t even ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘are you alright’. It was to ask you what you were going to make him for dinner…an hour after you learned your mother died. He didn’t even acknowledge her passing at all before he asked you for food. And then he didn’t even apologize for it, he gave you non-apologies and told you why you shouldn’t be angry at him and how unfair it was…all while STILL never offering the bare minimum level of condolences for you losing your mother.”
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