A mom writes in asking for advice about her husband. She says she recently found out her husband has been having an affair. Even more heartbreaking is that this woman and husband are due to have a baby in just about a month. After learning her husband had cheated, this mom is feeling conflicted about allowing him to join her in the delivery room. On the one hand, she is heartbroken, and having him be there would be painful for her. On the other hand, she recognizes that she is giving birth to his child and that he should perhaps be there. What should she do?
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband had an affair and now I don’t know if I want him in the room when I give birth: Advice?
I am due with baby number 3 in September (which isn’t far away), and I just recently found out my husband has been having an affair. I have no idea what to do.
As much as I do not want him to be in the delivery room, he is the father. As hurtful and uncomfortable it is, I still feel like he should be allowed to see the birth of his child. Has anyone else in the group ever experienced anything like this before? I could certainly use some kind words and good advice here. I’m devastated and heartbroken.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Is Conflicted About Allowing Her Cheating Husband to Be Present in the Delivery Room When She Gives Birth
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I can’t actually believe I’m reading some people’s comments that are like ‘you can’t use his child against him’ … ‘he did wrong but that’s his child.’ ARE YOU JOKING! For a man to CHEAT on his partner! Whilst she’s carrying his own flesh and blood, creating a human being, going through everything she is going through to give this a man child! And he betrays her at a time he is supposed to love her, support her the most …. if that man thinks he’s coming into my labor room he can think again! Actions have consequences! I hope whoever this happened to stays strong and blessed.”
“It’s entirely up to you, you need to be comfortable and as relaxed as possible during your birth and if him being there is going to cause you any stress or upset I wouldn’t have him there. Yes, he’s the father, but a woman’s mental state is important during birth for a good delivery as possible. And that’s what’s important. He should’ve thought about all of this before he betrayed his wife. I’d tell him that you’re putting your emotional wellbeing first and you would prefer he wasn’t there during the delivery but he’s welcome to see baby as soon as they’re born.”
“I am disgusted by any woman who thinks the father’s right to this woman’s labor is more important than her mental wellness. This pitiful excuse for a man didn’t take her mental or physical wellness into consideration when he had an affair. It not only affected his partner but his unborn. And then to try to convince this woman to expose herself to the very demon that disrupted her pregnancy and allow him to put negative energy into her experience during delivery is heartbreaking!”
“Don’t feel guilty if you don’t want him there. If he misses the birth it’s HIS fault and because of HIS actions/infidelity. Don’t keep any of the blame for yourself. Had he not hurt you in the worst possible way, he would be there. Period. Birth is hard enough without making it harder on yourself. Make sure the experience is exactly what YOU want!”
“I’d let him see the baby after my delivery. You don’t wanna stress yourself out and I wouldn’t want my husband to see my body if he cheated on me.”
“I would only allow him to see baby after delivery. You need a strong support system with you during delivery. Your mom or a best friend etc.”
“You are the one doing all the work, and delivery is exhausting both physically and emotionally. It is a stressful enough situation without adding conflict on top of it. If you think his presence will reduce your stress, have him there. If it will worsen it, don’t. His feelings are irrelevant in the matter (as he considered yours when he cheated), as you’re the one whose emotional stress could harm your baby. You do whatever is best for your baby by doing what is best for you.”
“You’ll likely get one person as support, make sure it’s someone comfortable for YOU!! He will be the father of this child regardless, but birthing a child is YOUR journey. This is your body and your comfort zone and your HARD WORK. You do not have to feel obligated to have him in the room with you because it’s his baby…
… His duty is to the child once it’s born, but he is not obligated to take part in the birth. Do not feel guilty for it either if that’s what you decide, remind him that he’s the one who messed up and he chose to do whatever he wanted with his body without considering your feelings at all so he has no room to talk.”
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