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QUESTION: My Jealous Husband Constantly, Irrationally Accuses Me of Cheating: What Should I Do?
“My husband & I have been together for 10 years. Married for 1. We have two children 6 & 3. He is extremely jealous.
He almost everyday jokes about ‘my boyfriend.’ Saying things like ‘Did you see your boyfriend today?’ I have never cheated or even talked to another man since we’ve been together. I’ve told him numerous times that I would never cheat.
He’s the one for me & he still ‘jokes’ about it all the time. When he drinks it’s no longer a joke. He constantly accuses me of cheating in the past & present. We share all of our passwords & everything. I don’t have a lock on my phone he has the opportunity to go through it anytime he wants & vice versa.
He rarely goes through my phone though. I love this man, but after a while, I get sick of being accused of something I’ve never done. What should I do?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“If he’s accusing you then he’s probably cheating. Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.”
“I’d say he’s the one that’s cheating. My ex did this to me while he was seeing his ex behind my back.”
“I know a lot of people think he’s cheating, and sometimes yeah they are, but sometimes it’s not as black and white as that, have you asked him why he thinks your cheating? Maybe he can’t believe he’s lucky with you and it’s made him paranoid, he could be feeling really insecure about himself but doesn’t want to tell you because he’s a man (and most men think they aren’t meant to feel that way)…
… Mental health comes in all forms and sometimes our own thoughts get the better of us, I’d definitely tell him you want to talk to him about it, you never know, he might open up to you as to why he feels like you’ve got a boyfriend’ and also if he smokes weed (not sure if he does) a side effect of that is paranoia, unfortunately. I don’t think its as straight forward as he’s cheating, I could be wrong but dig a little deeper and see what happens.”
“Why does everyone keep saying he is cheating? There is such thing as anxiety an insecurities. He could just be worried he’s not good enough.”
“Speaking from personal experience my ex constantly accused me of cheating. He even had me do a polygraph test I passed and it showed I’ve never cheated in my life. He said I cheated on the polygraph and a few months later he abandoned our son and I. Turned out he was cheating. They will always try to accuse the innocent.”
“He’s cheating. Classic gaslighting… Point that finger at the innocent party to make it seem like you aren’t guilty.”
“Run. That’s toxic behavior. I went through something similar, it started up like that, then him being sure I was gonna leave him for someone else ( same as you I didn’t even talked to other men) I lost friends and the only males that talked to me were like my boss or collage professors and he was sure I was cheating with them. After a while when he didn’t find anything on my phone he started turning violent. I can’t stress this enough… RUN!”
“He’s either cheating, cheated or thinking about it. People who did, do or will think others will too.”
“My husband was cheated on by his first wife with his father. He often accuses me of cheating. It’s because he is been through deep soul trauma. They definitely need to seek therapy to resolve the issue. Bc its a huge issue. Kinda like PTSD. It’s going to take a lot of work to fix things mentally.”
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