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QUESTION: My husband doesn’t consider my mom family: Thoughts?
“When considering family, should your mother-in-law and mother both be family? So my husband and I are having a debate as to if my mother is family or not. He says she is not part of his family, just like his mother is not part of mine. We are married and have kids to remind you. He does not like my mother for some reason when she has always been very respectful and nice towards him, but his mother always judges my parenting or always has to put her two cents in.
Granted, I always call my mom for advice, so she always gives me her opinions. It’s so annoying that he always sticks up for his mother and never me, even said if I can’t get along with her, then we should get a divorce. Why can’t my husband see that we are married, so my mom and his mother are family or am I in the wrong? They share grandkids.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“In our house, we consider them ‘family’ but not our family. That was the family you were born into, you bore your own children and created your own family.”
“I don’t consider myself part of my daughter’s and her husband’s family. I don’t involve myself in their private affairs. My daughter and I are very close and we talk daily, several times a day. I love my granddaughter! My son-in-law is an awesome father and husband. I do give opinions if she asks but I’m not a part of their family. I guess it just depends on how you look at it.”
“Yes, that’s his family too! I’m engaged and consider my fiancé’s mom my mother-in-law! We are all family, doesn’t matter what the dna says.”
“Of course they’re family. He doesn’t have to like your mother but he needs to respect your relationship with her.”
“Pick your battles. Honestly, I would feel a little sorry for him that he doesn’t realize your family has become his family. People have different definitions of family. You can’t force someone to change their definition. You never know, there might come a time in the future when he sees that they are family. Honestly, I don’t think I would ever tell my mate that I didn’t like his mother. That’s his mother. I don’t think he should have told you he didn’t like your mother. Somethings you should keep to yourself. You don’t choose your mother.”
“Your family is you and your husband and your kids. Everyone else is extended family. He does not have to consider your family his family if he does not want to. I have never and will never consider my husband’s family my family.”
“If you don’t get along then no point pretending and calling each other family I don’t consider his family as my family we are not blood-related I only consider my blood relatives my family but the children are blood-related to both sides”
“I agree with your husband. His mom is his family and mine is my family. I married into his family but at the end of the day, that’s HIS family. They will always have his back and will throw you to the wolves the second something goes wrong. My husband and I recently had this talk. There’s nothing wrong with you not liking his mom. Some mothers are straight up toxic. And you have the right to draw boundaries. If my husband said that to me after knowing the reasons why lines were drawn, I’d tell him we are divorcing.”
“I guess it all depends on how you’re raised. Maybe your husband isn’t as family oriented as you thought he was.. definitely a deal breaker for me.”
“You’re correct. He needs to have his eyes opened and see that he is using double standards when it comes to both your mothers. Parents are family, even after you’re grown.”
“If he’s already given you the ultimatum of get along or divorce then your marriage is already over. He literally told you he wants a divorce if you can’t get along with his mum. Yet he refuses to do the same for yours. Leave the guy and find someone who treats you better and doesn’t use divorce as a method of control”
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