A Girl I Took In Years Ago Now Has a Husband Who Won’t Let Me See Her or Her Kids, Whom I Think of As My Own Grandchildren: Advice?

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QUESTION: The Girl We Took In Has a Husband Who Will Not Let Us See Her Kids, Whom I Have Come to Love as My Own Grandkids: Advice?

“I have never posted on here, but I do read a lot of the posts. I need some advice. Seven years ago, we took a girl and her baby in. While living with us, she has another baby. The kids are 7 and 5 now. They both have lived with us their whole lives.

Their biological grandparents on both sides have never had anything to do with them. They call us Nana and Papa. Well, a couple of months ago, she meets this guy online and starts dating him. She only really saw him like three times. Well the beginning of November, they sneak off to the courthouse and get married.

They really don’t know each other, and the kids don’t even really know him. She is an adult, and I know this. He is very controlling and doesn’t let the kids do anything. He doesn’t want us to know where they live, which is whatever.

My problem is that he has put a stop to me seeing and talking to the kids. It is killing me inside. I think of and love the kids as if they were my biological grandkids. My question is, would you just let it go and try not to see them or do whatever you can to see them? They stayed talking to us up until the day after Christmas and then haven’t heard anything from her.

He wrote to me and said that he wants nothing to do with us because we asked her if we could keep the kids over the weekend, and he doesn’t want them to. Sorry, this is so long. Please give me advice on what to do. Please post anonymously.”

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A Girl I Took In Years Ago Now Has a Husband Who Won't Let Me See Her or Her Kids, Whom I Think of As My Own Grandchildren: Advice?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“That sounds weird… Am I the only one getting a Forensic Files vibe off of this?!?!? Definitely try to find her and talk to her…”

“She put herself and her children in a bad position. Unfortunately outside of a welfare check there’s nothing you can do.”

“It sounds like she’s maybe stuck in a bad situation. I’d call for a welfare check. They’ll be able to track their location.”

“Ok, if what you’re saying is true….and there are no altercations between y’all that would cause this…Then I 100% believe this behavior to be a HUGE red flag for an abusive situation. I absolutely would not just leave it be, but at the same time, you have to approach things delicately. He may not have turned physically abusive yet and she may still be “blinded” and pushing too hard could cause her to retreat farther into the relationship (I know that it makes no sense but it happens)…

… A welfare check or anonymous report to CPS is your best bet. But since you don’t know where they are that may be difficult. If you’re listed with the school or doctors to get information, then maybe call one or the other and explain that you’re afraid they’re trapped in a domestic violence situation. They’ll either report it themselves or keep a close eye on the situation.”

“This sounds suspicious! Sounds like their something he doesn’t want to kids to reveal? Get a welfare check for sure. Also did she have you on the emergency contact for school? If so show up to school and sit with the principal. Maybe you can talk to the kids at the school to find out if anything is going on. If you have a gut feeling don’t stand down. Those kids and their mom might need help.”

“I would stop pushing to see the children so you can at least stay in contact with her. I would be worried about her and the kids safety. There is a reason he doesn’t want the kids to see you… they have no filter and will say what’s going on.”

“Definitely have a welfare check done. That sounds like the beginning of every real crime documentary I have ever seen.”

“Unfortunately, there’s nothing that you can do. He sounds controlling yes. Possibly abusive in more ways. It could be a dangerous situation. Maybe call for a welfare check, but hard to do if you don’t know where they live. That can also push her further away. The most you can do is be there. When she needs you. That may have to be silently. Until she’s ready to leave, and reach out. But, at some point, she will need you.”

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