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QUESTION: My husband does not help me around the house: How can I get him to help?
“I work full-time, and I also have two kids. My husband does not work but also refuses to help with household things. I’m tired. I wake up at 5 a.m., get the kids on the bus clean, or do my exercises till work at 8:45 (I work from home) then I work till 5:30 – 6 then I have to figure out dinner kids bath litter boxes make sure everyone has clean clothes basically everything while my husband plays on his computer. But then he wants me to stay up till midnight or later to play with him because otherwise, he guilt trips me then screams at his computer so I can’t sleep. How can I get him to understand and help me?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Tell your husband, ‘I’m going to need your help. This is a partnership and if you don’t plan to be in it and start helping you need to leave. When he continues not to help ask him if he wants your help looking for himself an apartment.”
“He doesn’t work, doesn’t help around the house or with the kids. You work a full time job plus take care of the kids and household responsibility. It’s time for him to move out.. Sounds like you have 2kids plus an adult child. And go unplug that computer and tell him it’s time to adult!”
“Don’t do his laundry or dishes. Don’t clean up after him at all. When he says something, let him know that your main responsibility is the children. Since he’s not picking up his share of the responsibility for the kids, why should you have to add on another child to take care of? You married a partner, meaning shared responsibility, you didn’t marry someone to wash their clothes and do their dishes (and whatever else it is they leave around). I’d also go as far as to not make dinner for him.”
“I dealt with the same thing for a while and it took me not doing anything for him to get him to help. I understand it may not be easy to just leave, but formulate a plan so you and your kiddos can be somewhere safe and file for divorce.”
“You obviously don’t need your husband for anything as you’re already doing everything on your own. Why is he still around??”
“Set him down once and let him know he either steps up or he can go be a leech somewhere else. Change the internet password.”
“Was your husband always this way?? What happened that he’s become this guy? You have a few choices, marriage counseling or he had to go. If you think the marriage is savable, try. Stop doing for him. Don’t clean up his mess, don’t do this laundry, don’t cook for him. Let him do it.
When your husband says something, you be honest & tell him…I am not your maid. I am your wife. There are not enough hours in my day to do for 3 kids so since you don’t have gainful employment, you can take care of your stuff. Let him be mad. His options, do it or leave. Be prepared to fight. Hold to it. Don’t let him walk on you. People treat you how you allow. Stop allowing it. He’s not teaching his kids how to be a teammate or good parent….so, force him or kick him.”
“Sounds like gaming addiction.”
“Kick him to curb. You’re doing it all alone anyways.”
“You have to have a team mate to make it work.”
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