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QUESTION: My husband constantly reminds me that he is not excited about my pregnancy: Advice?
“Hi, I was wondering if you could keep this anonymous, please. I’m currently three months pregnant with my third child. My husband has one biological child with me and one on the way. He didn’t want any more kids, but we have a miracle. He constantly reminds me he is NOT excited about this baby. He doesn’t ask me how I’m feeling, doesn’t ask if I need anything or when I have an appointment, doesn’t ask how it went. I asked him today if he wants to do a little gender reveal for our baby, as we did for my daughter a couple of years ago.
His response, ‘No, that’s stupid. I’m not excited about this at all. We don’t need a gender reveal.’
I’m crushed. I feel so alone. I feel like I’m the only one that is excited about this miracle. I feel like I have no one to talk to about my feelings. I feel as if I can’t talk about the baby around him because all he does is ignore me or constantly reminds me he isn’t excited. He picked out a name for the baby, but that’s it. I know three kids can be difficult, but I’m always home with my two kids while he works 60 plus hours a week. I’ve always wanted three kids, a big family, and just to love my babies.
I need advice. What do I do? I love him, and I’ve been with him for nine years, but I can’t take how painful this is. It hurts. My heart is crushed. He was so involved with our daughter. Always rubbed my belly, got me my cravings, talked to my belly, and loved her before she was even here. This time around it’s the opposite.”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“The fact that your husband is ignoring you just makes my blood boil, like you somehow magically conceived the baby by yourself? He is a freaking child. I don’t care how stressed or worried he is, he can talk to you about it like an adult. I can’t imagine what it feels like to be blamed for something he took part in. He could have used protection.
He could have gotten a vasectomy. You aren’t the one that didn’t want to have another baby, so he should have taken those steps. However, it’s already happened and he should realize that one day, he may love this child as much as his current kids, that one more isn’t going to break you both apart. His behavior, however, most certainly will.”
“He might change when the baby is born.”
“I don’t have any advice, I just really feel for you. There’s no lonelier feeling than having a baby on your own when your partner is right there. I really wish you all the best.”
“Hopefully, he will come to love his little one like crazy once the little one is here. It’s different for those who can’t carry a child. I would tell him it hurts your feelings and tell him how you feel though. He needs to try to at least support you especially since he should love you.”
“My guess is he feels betrayed. If he didn’t want another baby and then you’re pregnant, it’s dismissing his wants. It may be your miracle but obviously not his. It’s hard to be exited about something when you were never included in the decision.”
“I assume this wasn’t an immaculate conception and that he had some part in it. That’s ok, this child will know without being told and will be very close to you. Your husband’s loss.”
“I think if nothing else, y’all need to go talk to a therapist. He’s going to have to get over it. This baby is coming and he is the father. He’s gonna need help to get through whatever his mental block is.”
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