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QUESTION: My spouse thinks I should work and take care of the entire house: Advice?
“I really need some outside perspective. For the last year, I was a stay-at-home mom, who also worked two nights a week for some side money. It was a mutual agreement between my husband and me. I was recently told I wasn’t contributing enough by said spouse. So now I am opening my own business. I will be working full-time there and still part-time at my other job.
My husband thinks I still need to do all of the housewife duties while working two jobs, taking care of our child, etc. I have asked for more help from him because now I am working, but because he still makes significantly more money, he believes he shouldn’t have to lift a finger. Is this really fair or am I just being a big baby? Money is something that is constantly thrown in my face, and it’s really bringing down my self-esteem. I feel as though I’m just a maid.”
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Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“I would be telling my husband if he expects me to take care of all household chores then I will be quitting my job and he can take care of all financial responsibility. This is just ridiculous, you aren’t his maid.”
“Quote your husband what it would cost for all that you do, hours, etc. Being a stay-at-home mom saves you money and it’s so beneficial for the kids. If you can work awesome, but you’re not any less of a contributor if you don’t. Don’t let him bully you. Know your worth.”
“If you’re going to work full-time, plus a part-time job on the side, keep house, and look after the children, then just throw him out and be a single mom. Tell him to send a check every month though. If you’re doing everything by yourself anyway, then what do you need him for except a check every month.”
“if you don’t like the way I do things by all means do it yourself. I will gladly show you where the broom is, the window cleaner, the laundry soap. Kids are two full-time jobs alone (they did a study, lol). My husband has figured out; if you don’t help me (even if it’s walking around the house grabbing dirty dishes or clothes), I don’t help you (meaning I don’t do your laundry, I don’t make a big good meal.)”
“My husband and I split the housework and he even does the majority of the stuff outside while still helping me with the baby. We both work full-time jobs. He is treating you like he married you as a maid. You should want to help your partner where and when you can. Even when I’m off and he works all day, he still helps out.”
“I’d price out a full-time maid, full-time cook, daycare, add in time and money for doctors, dentists, activities, sports, etc., and give him the bill for a year of your time. Not only would I not lift a finger for an entire 6 months now, but let him know where the door is if he has a problem.”
“Tell him to grow up.”
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