A wife writes in looking for advice. Her husband has been viewing adult films when it’s against their religion. She is always concerned because it is affecting their relationship, trust, and intimacy.
A Community Member asks:
“My husband recently admitted to me that he had watched adult films on and off since we were dating. We’ve been together for five years, married for 3, and have two babies. We are both Christian and have the view that watching adult films is wrong. We’ve had the conversation many times over the years where I’ve asked if he’s watched it or was tempted to, and he always said no except for this last time, when he admitted it.
One of the times he said he watched it was when we were engaged but living in different states at the time, and we were fighting, and the other times were when we went through a rough patch last year and were fighting a lot. I was pregnant with our second son last year during that time.
Another thing is, in the last two years, he hasn’t been wanting to have sex very often, always saying it was because of tiredness, back pain, not in the mood, or because I didn’t initiate, etc. Backstory- my husband has always had a problem telling me the truth about things because he’s afraid of my reaction, he says, and he would just rather avoid an argument, so I appreciate him finally telling me the truth. But on the other hand, I feel so betrayed and hurt.
He says he’s been trying to stop on his own, and that he’s ashamed of himself, but he has temptations or thoughts about doing it still. We do plan on seeing our counselor about this. But until then, how do I cope? How can I ever look at my husband the same way again? I don’t want even to be touched by him… I love him so much, and I want our marriage to work. I’m just so scared I’ll never be able to move past this, or he’ll never be able to. If anyone’s been through something similar, please help, thanks.”
Community Advice For The Wife Whose Husband Has Been Watching Adult Films When It’s Against Their Religion
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this wife in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community members had varying opinions about her husband watching adult films. Some were angry at her, while others suggested spicing up their marriage. You can read some of these responses below.
“To be honest to whomever wrote this question you were wrong if you have never been taught you never take your problems to unbelievers they will give you worldly answers so if that’s what you want then feel free to receive what you get but as a believer, you need to keep your thing between you your husband and God.
You took a vow to honor him and because he slipped your shaming him, you may not have ever done this but I’m sure if you slipped he wouldn’t turn on you and be embarrassed of you.
Put your self in his shoes and try praying for strength for your husband. While yes your husband is the head of your family and covers you he’s now at a point where he needs covering, so be that for him, don’t paint a target on his back. Seek counseling, but seek Godly counseling.
We live in this world and we are not part of this world. Be strong and be his help meet now because he needs you now more than ever be grateful he came to you because this could’ve stayed a secret, this is his cry for help.“
“I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It is a very painful thing to go through. I know. Please ask your very real and very valid question in a group that will value your beliefs and support you And your husband instead of this group. This group has some hateful people in it.”
“This is what I know. Nobody is truly religious. You can’t follow half the rules and call yourself a Christian. He’s a liar, you’re not submitting to your husband, and you’re speaking your mind. So??? Maybe “p*m” has nothing to do with your religion and more to do with your personal beliefs.”
“Watch it with him. Times have changed, it’s not shameful. You just might like it to. Your young, experiment a little.“
“I think half these comments are uncalled for. It doesn’t matter if its just “p*m” he’s lied to her for years about it (unless I’ve read the post wrong) that’s why she feels betrayed. I’d feel betrayed if I was lied to about things for a long period of time.”
Whether it is right or wrong to watch adult films in your religion, or in the eyes of others, doesn’t really matter. What does matter is that it is affecting you as much as it is. There are bound to be many different opinions on this subject but again, the only opinion that matters is yours.
Depending on what you want from the marriage, you could definitely take other’s advice and spice up your own intimacy. Find ways to spend more time together doing things he enjoys as well as you. Sometimes when you, although innocent, make changes to be closer as a couple, this can help him to make the changes he needs to make.
It was also mentioned to seek therapy as a couple. This might be a very good idea so that you can build your trust and love in each other. I would say don’t give up. Try hard to save your marriage so that if it does one day end, you can feel that you tried everything you could to make it work.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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