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QUESTION: My Husband Changed His Mind About Our Child’s Hyphenated Last Name at the Last Minute: Thoughts?
“This is long, sorry, but I need the advice on a name. After getting married, I chose to hyphenate my maiden and married name with the intent (my husband agreed at the time) that when we have kids, they will take the hyphenated name. I felt really strong about this because after my father passes (god willing, a long time from now), the family name passes with him as he didn’t have a son.
The same goes for my husband: he’s the last of his family name. We had our 1st girl; she took my husband’s last name —when her time comes to be married, hopefully, she’ll make the decision to hyphenate as well. It’s up to her, whatever floats her boat.
This second baby (due in like two days) still doesn’t have a name set: first, middle or last. The plan was for him to have my hyphenated name so that both names could be carried on, but my husband now isn’t happy with the idea.
I’m torn: I want to respect his wishes but dangit, this was the plan all along! I hyphenated for a personal reason, and he understood that once upon a time. Do I just cave and give our son his last name? It wouldn’t cause turmoil or divorce if I stuck to my gut and kept to the original plan, but I’m torn on what to do. I hyphenated for a reason, and we had agreed. Thoughts from other mommas?“
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“IMHO. You are married, name all your children the same. If your named your daughter without a hyphenated last name, do the same with every subsequent child. If you want the maternal last name somewhere in the boys name use it as a middle name.”
“I’d want him to have the same last name as his sister. Cause they have the same dad. You didn’t hyphenate her name. His being like that, it’ll seem like they don’t have the same dad. IDK, seems like it’ll be kind of weird to me.”
“Use your maiden name as their middle name without hyphenation.”
“Stick to your guns, give your child the name you want, which is both of your combined names.”
“So why not give him your maiden name as a middle name? If it is one that could be used that way? Rather than hyphenate?”
“If you felt so strongly about hyphenated last name why didn’t you give it to your daughter too. To me it makes no sense giving your kids different last names when both parents are the same.”
Last names are just last names. Maybe name your son after your dad and use the husband’s last name. But I’d be angry too if my man changed his mind at the last minute after we agreed on something.”
“Remind him of the agreement and stick to it. You had the conversation. It isn’t like you won’t be giving the babies his last name too.”
“You could always have your maiden name as the middle name for a nice compromise. It’s unlikely that if your son gets married 30 years from now his spouse would take a hyphenated name anyway. So the name will stop being carried regardless.”
“I understand how you feel, but I am a strong believer in my husband’s last name. I love him so much and am proud to have his last name and give our son his name as well. (Our baby is due in a couple weeks) my dad died when I was young and only had one son and ( my brother) has all girls. I get what your saying but everyone feels different.”
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