A worried mom writes in concerned about her ten-year-old nephew watching her change her two-year-old. She is looking for advice on what to do.
A Community Member asks:
“I caught my ten-year-old nephew watching me change my two-year-old daughter and Idk how to react. So, long story short, my husband and I have two daughters who are 1 and 2. We are staying with my inlaws temporarily. My brother in law, his girlfriend and their three kids (7, 10 and 11) also live here. Our bedroom faces their bedroom. They don’t live here full time.
A few weeks ago, my husband took their room because he had to wake up at 3 am to go to work and needed to go to bed earlier than us. The kids were camped out in the family room for a few days. I came in here to change my two years old (working on potty training but not there yet). I noticed that my ten-year-old nephew also followed us to the room and just stood outside their bedroom door (which wasn’t being used by them, so no reason to be there). He just stood there watching me change her, and when I was done, he left.
Twice now, he’s done this, and it’s creeping me out. I don’t know if he’s curious, I mean, he has a sister. I don’t know how little boys work, but my seven-year-old nephew doesn’t do this. Neither does my niece. I had very touchy cousins growing up since I was the only girl, and I just don’t know what to do.“
Community Advice For The Mom Concerned About Her Nephew Watching Her Change Her Daughter
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this worried Mom, read the comments of the post embedded below.
There were a lot of very negative comments, but a few very nice and encouraging comments as well. You can read some of them below.
“I just read all the mean comments… pages like this are made for mommies (or anyone) who need help or advice so if you’re not offering either of those, why comment? I don’t get it. How is she wrong, creepy or insulting to be curious as to why he’s staring? It makes her uncomfortable because that’s her daughter.“
“I’m pretty sure EVERY single one of us mothers would do anything to keep our child safe, some more than others. When a woman has a feeling it’s usually for a reason. I’m sure the little boy is just oh I don’t know… being a kid. I know my kids do some weird things but maybe he’s not. It’s all over the world whether we want to admit it or not. Let’s not judge either side, considering we don’t know these people.“
“Close the door. He’s a curious child. He was quite small when his youngest sibling was born so he may not remember about changing babies. It doesn’t mean he was ill-willed behind it. Kids are curious. Maybe he was just purely curious about the changing of the baby or what you were doing. Nicely explain to him that it is a private moment and you would appreciate him not watching. Not everything little boys do need to be sexualized or assumed that they are going to harm a child. I couldn’t even begin to think something like that just because he was curious. Simply be the adult and close the door. Problem solved.“
“Definitely be vigilant. It would also be a good opportunity to engage in conversation with him and it’ll also let him know in a subtle way that you notice him.“
“Bad things happen all the time and generally with family or close friends. It might be innocent, it might not but if you feel uncomfortable it’s for a reason and you should be extra cautious; always trust your instincts.“
“Well why didn’t u talk to him he seems only curious and why would he not be in his bedroom even if it wasn’t being used. You’re making the child out to be a pervert when in fact he is probably only curious. No telling what they see on tv. Take a minute talk to him. How old are you?“
“I’m sure he’s just a curious boy. That’s what all kids are, curious. Strike up a conversation, see if he wants to maybe help change her under your supervision? Kids are seriously curious creatures lol I’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about hun.”
I think in the day and age we are living in now I was quite surprised by the reaction of some of the commenters. As parents, we must be very observant and cautious when it comes to our children. This mom was concerned, and this is not wrong or malicious.
As a mom of boys, I can understand if anyone chooses to be extra cautious about allowing their daughters to come to a sleepover, or just to play even. Every parent is different in how they think and choose to raise their children. With my experience, my boys have never shown any interest in babies let alone watching them get changed. This doesn’t mean that a boy can’t be curious though.
I would say that the best way to handle this situation is to close the door. I can’t say what the little boy was thinking but my first thought would be curiosity. I would tell him to go play, that there is nothing to see here. Or you could even ask him what he wants and find out what he is thinking.
So for the future, to solve the problem, just shut the door. If you are really concerned then make sure to not leave your daughter alone. Keep a close eye on all the kids and what they are doing. You never know, you might actually protect another child in the process.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.