I don’t enjoy sex since having kids: Advice?

Before having my 1st child, who is almost four years old soon, my husband and I had a great sex life. I enjoyed it, and we never really had issues. Once I got pregnant, my sex drive dropped, but I didn’t worry since that’s pretty common in pregnancy, and I assumed I’d go back to normal after having my baby. Well, that never happened. After having my child, I can’t enjoy sex. Either I feel nothing at all (as in I don’t feel pleasure or literally don’t even feel him inside), or it’s just painful. I got pregnant with my second who I had in 2019, and I hoped that somehow having her would “fix” my vagina and I will admit I do feel a tad bit more now, but I still can’t enjoy sex! I do now and then get horny, but that instantly goes away once I realize how sex isn’t how it was before kids, so it’s not that I have no sex drive at all. Oral is fine; I can still have an orgasm. Has anyone gone through this? My husband wants me to see a doctor, but I feel like this is something not fixable.

107 thoughts on “I don’t enjoy sex since having kids: Advice?”

  1. My sex drive dropped when I got pregnant with my first too. It’s not uncommon for me to go months between wanting to have sex. I haven’t mentioned it to my doctor, but I probably need to. My problem is it’s impossible for me to get in the mood when I’m stressed or exhausted or anything like that and that describes my life pretty much every day. I’m on my second marriage because my ex husband couldn’t accept my lack of sex drive and things got ugly.

  2. Toys!!! Tbh I hate sex if I don’t cum first a silicone bullet vibrator is great that way you can pleasure yourself while he’s balls deep and you stay wet ????????

  3. Go see a Dr. A lot of females don’t know this but females produce. Testosterone. If it is low then that will make your sex drive go bye bye. Hormones are out of whack anyway bc of pregnancy. . my Dr prescribed me some cream to put on my labia….it worked.

  4. If you are on any medications, especially antidepressants, they may have the side effect of lowering sex drive. If this applies, talk to the doc who wrote the RX.

  5. Go see a doctor *and* do Kegels and the like.

    Also don’t expect anything to be the same after pushing out a few kids. You’re going to have to get reacquainted with the way your body is now.

  6. Same. Part of my problem is I need to do kegels. The other part of my problem is I’m 32, had 2 kids, and I’m bigger than I’ve ever been so I don’t feel attractive which makes me not in the mood a lot. Plus I’m constantly tired and low energy, partly because of having a 4 year old and a 1 year old and because I’m slightly overweight.

  7. I as a woman i get horney, however fleeting, around ovulation time. I think it’s for everyone naturally occurring. You also retain water, boobs swell, body gets a little thicker for the water weight, and you put off extra phermones at this time. This is supposed to be naturally pleasing to males, to attract them when you are most fertile. You might keep track of ovulation times and start working with those fleeting times. Would be a spontanious surprise, and hot for your man when he isn’t begging. Men begging is not attractive. Once or twice a month for you.

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