A girlfriend writes in asking for advice on her relationship with her boyfriend. Lately, the relationship hasn’t been the same and she doesn’t know what to do.
A Community Member asks:
“My boyfriend and I have been together for 3.5 years and share a 9-month-old. I have primary custody. We don’t live together because we are trying to save up for a place but spend weekends together with his parents. Lately, I’ve been starting to feel differently about him. He doesn’t use my name or call me “babe” like he used to, but he does tell me that he loves me. I still call him babe occasionally, but I’m also the one to kiss or hug first. Aside from sex once in a while and a kiss hello and goodbye, there’s no real physical affection between us.
He spends most of the time I’m over, texting his friends, or having a beer and watching tv. If we do go out without baby, we don’t have anything to talk about really. I know that life is stressful for him between his dad’s medical issues, under-appreciation at work, and having a daughter to love, but I’m starting to feel differently.
I used to be able to see myself saying “yes,” but now, if he were to propose (and I don’t think he will until we are in a good place financially, if ever), I don’t know if I’d accept. Is it just me? How do I fix this? He’s my first serious relationship, and I love him to death, but I also need to feel like he wants to be with me.“
Community Advice for the Girlfriend Who Is Worried Her Relationship With Her Boyfriend Has Changed
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this girlfriend in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
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Good communication is important when you want to build that boyfriend and girlfriend relationship to something more. You can read some of the comments the community members gave regarding this fact below.
“Sounds like YOU need to get your ducks in a row and figure out what YOU want. You have to make those decisions and based on this post you don’t feel that connection and need to move on or talk it out especially with a child in the situation.”
“Maybe you’re growing apart? It happens, but no one here can read his mind. You have to sit down and actually have a serious conversation about how both of you see your future together. You share a child, so this whole financially stable thing is just getting me here, either you two want to be together or you don’t. There are struggles financially in any relationship, you can be fine one year then the next have it ripped away from you, but the biggest support you should have would be each other.“
“First things first girl don’t overstress it guys have a tendency to not pay attention to a women’s needs over time, they forget how to treat a woman because you’ve been with him for soo long… So sit with him explain how you feel make sure you guys are on the same page it sounds to me like you just crave more attention & affection & THAT’S OKAY!“
“Are you both working? Maybe a small apartment together? Have a serious talk with him about your future together. Being financially set could go on forever. Sometimes people grow apart, sounds like that might be the case. Maybe don’t go on weekends for a while? Sort your feelings out.”
“Relationships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies, fun and games. There is downtime. There is a boring time. There’s also annoying time. You just need to know if he’s the one you want to spend your life with even on the boring uneventful days.“
“Relationships take work from both sides. If neither of you are willing to fight to be together then there really is no point. Be upfront, communicate, and tell him how u feel. Good luck!!“
The advice given above was very, very good. Many were saying that communication is very important for a relationship to thrive. It is also important to realize that a relationship is not always exciting and new. It does have good times, bad times, and like was mentioned, boring times. When you find someone you want to spend your life you are basically saying I will love this person through all those times.
Your decision to remain in the relationship, or to talk to your boyfriend about how you are feeling, is important to do right away. You might find that you just need some couple time. Having a baby can suck the energy right out of your relationship, so you have to find ways to keep that relationship alive. Again, you need to decide if you are willing to go through this not so fun time and work on making it better. If you work at it and if you communicate you may just find yourself very happy again.
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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