One user is asking Reddit if they are in the wrong for not naming their children after their deceased brother.
“A while back, My big brother (M28) died in a car accident, leaving behind a young son who shares his name.”
“Several years later, I married, and my wife and I started a family of our own. As soon as our first pregnancy was announced, my mother began dropping hints that I should name the child after my brother. I wasn’t too keen on the idea, as my wife and I had already chosen names that we liked and also honored our grandparents.”
“During my wife’s second pregnancy, my mother was very open and passive/aggressively demanding that I name the child for my brother. This time I openly refused. My reasoning, which I stand by to this day, is that my brother had a son. That son shares his name. If anyone had the right and responsibility to bestow my brother’s name upon an offspring, it would be the son, and not me. To do otherwise would be, just, wrong.”
“My brother was a good guy, and I think he would have agreed, but I don’t think mom has ever forgiven me.”
Many users were quick to jump in with their thoughts.
One user shared their opinion along with their own experience.
“NTA I lost a sister 2 years ago, and she has a daughter. I decided that I would use her middle name if I had a daughter (she had wanted to use it for hers, but her boyfriend wouldn’t let her), but I knew that using her first name would be too bittersweet for me. She and I were very close, and I don’t think it would be beneficial to my mental health to have a child with the same name. It turns out I’m having a boy, and I’m naming him something that she and I had discussed because it honored our grandfathers and several other people in our family.”
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While another commented: “People who are grieving aren’t logical. They are often filled with irrational rage. For example, when my brother died, I was even angry with people for having living siblings, even though I knew it was crazy. Losing a child is probably the worst pain of all, and it sounds like the OP’s mother isn’t able to be logical. I think it would be horrible for the boy already named after his father to have a cousin with his name, but the grandmother is incapable of seeing anything but her own pain.”
Followed by: “Holy cow your mother is so far out of line it’s difficult to even see her anymore. NTA! My mother was named after a dead relative and she resented never having her own identity and always evoking the memories of this person long gone before her arrival instead of having her own name. But even if you wanted to name your child after a relative, that name choice is your you and your partner to make, not your mother. You mum seems to be holding on to some grief and projecting it onto your child which isn’t fair on anyone, least of all on your poor nephew who even HAS the name your mum wanted and apparently isn’t good enough to tick that ‘someone must have this name’ box. Harsh.”
What do YOU think?
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