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QUESTION: I think my mother-in-law is jealous I am having a baby: Advice?
“How can I deal with my mother-in-law? First of all, she is very mad that she is not the one who is planning my baby shower. My best friend has decided to take on that role, and they do not get along. Never have. My best friend is sending out paper invites, so my spouse asked his mom for her addresses and whatnot, but she wouldn’t give them to him because she wanted to know how many people WE were inviting! Her reasoning was to make sure she had enough people there as well; I don’t get why it matters.
To top it all off, we were not going to tell many of the baby’s names, and she went and posted it on Facebook today. I am livid because now we have to choose a new baby name. It’s like she is jealous or something and is trying to have control over everything.. her excuse for putting the name was so “People could personalize baby items.” I have really had enough. What should I do?”
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“She doesn’t sound jealous sounds excited to me. Y’all could try talking to her. Also why not let her throw you a baby shower and your best friend throw you one. It never hurts to have two baby showers.”
“It’s your baby don’t tell her anything if she will ruin it we didn’t tell anyone our daughters name until she was born or someone will ruin it for you . They didn’t like it but they got over it.”
“You set a boundary and she crossed it. She seems like she just wants to be involved, but your partner now needs to go talk to her and explain that both of you are upset that she crossed a boundary and she needs to respect the boundaries you set in the future or she won’t have a big role in your lives in the future.”
“The baby shower stuff is petty but maybe she is legitimately sad about it and just isn’t communicating it as well as she should.
And no you don’t have to pick a new name because she posted it. You’re choosing to. It’s really not that deep. It’s disappointing that your vision wasn’t met but that also sounds like she was trying to help. I personally love to get something special for the baby that has their name on it.”
“You should take her out to coffee and have a conversation with her. Tell her how you feel and ask her how she feels. Could be that she just wants to be more involved. Give her a job to focus on. If not, I’m sorry, and I would set limits for her.”
“I wouldn’t have told her the baby’s name if I didn’t want anyone to know. I’m due next month and pretty sure we know his name and haven’t told anytime. I feel like they can find out when he’s born lol.”
“I understand being agitated that the name wasn’t announced the way you wanted it to be but changing it is a bit petty, especially if it’s a name you and your husband chose and love together. I wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of knowing she bothered you.”
“As mama and mother in law you need respect what your daughter-in-law wishes If she don’t want the name out there don’t put it out there. Respect the wishes of the new mama.”
“The choosing a new name thing is super dramatic of you. But the rest is ridiculous of her. Ignore it. If she won’t give you address then she doesn’t get invited and misses out. Her loss”
“Tell her she’s welcome to plan a second shower if she wants but she isn’t in charge of this one. The baby name thing I wouldn’t change the name if I loved it. It’s one thing for her to be excited but it’s another for her to throw a fit about things. Set boundaries now before she walks all over you.”
“A good rule of thumb don’t tell people something that you don’t want to spread. Also, include her in something. Give her a “job” she wants to be included. Maybe she could have a baby shower for her “side” and friends.”
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