A mom writes in concerned about sending her children to Disney with their grandparents when the coronavirus is going around. She also is having problems with her boyfriend’s parents when it comes to her children and the time they spend together.
A Community Member asks:
“Two days ago my boyfriend told me his family wants to take the girls to Disneyland. I agreed. but then I started reading about the coronavirus and decided against them going. When he told his parents that they wouldn’t be going they threw a fit. They told him they now know who makes all the rules in the family. They said that whenever they ask to do something with them we always say no so don’t ask them for favors or to spend time with them in the future. They even mentioned returning the outfits that they bought the girls for Disneyland.
I stopped going to his family’s house because they never really talk to me. I don’t let my girls watch too much tv or play on the phone, which is what they almost always do over there. I told my boyfriend I rather keep them home if that’s what they are gonna do so, of course, they got upset about that too.
The last time my babies were there my boyfriend told me that my two years old asked to go to the market and his Mom said no and my daughter cried which made me feel bad because they never take them anywhere and the one time my baby asks her to go with her somewhere they turn her down. I told him that’s enough they can stay home now, and if they want to see them they can come around, but they never do because “we live in the ghetto” as they’d say.
There’s just so much BS, and I’m tired of the girls only going to be stuck on the tv or phone when I try so hard at home to take it away. The only time they ask to take them out is because it’s there granddaughters’ birthday. She is 8 and always throws jealousy fits when they are around, mind you my girls are only 2 and 1, and she’s going to turn 8.
I understand that they are my babies, and I got into this, but ever since they were born, we would ask them to babysit once every two months, and they would turn us down. Then we moved in with them for a while and they would only babysit when we paid them. So I’ve come to see that they only do things for their own convenience. Am I wrong for pulling them away from all that??“
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Many of the community members agreed that the decision made to not go to Disney with the grandparents was a good one but some felt it was petty. You can read some of these responses below.
“I let my daughter’s bio take her to Hawaii a couple of years ago, for his wedding, even though there was a lot of talk about the main volcano blowing. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and be an adult. Besides, Corona hasn’t affected children. I think you should apologize and let them go.“
“My kids have pulled away from my ex’s family years ago I don’t deal with one wayed people I don’t deal with my kids being mistreated left behind or only being a convenience for others.“
“You turned down a trip to Disneyland because of an over-hyped virus but in the same post complained that they never take them anywhere”.
“Petty so what they don’t talk to you ur not their blood and so what they wouldn’t babysit without being paid not their kids, not their responsibility I sometimes pay my mom when she watches my kids depending on the situation who are you to take their family away and she told your 2-year-old and she cried that’s what two-year-olds do they cry when they don’t get their way you don’t get to dictate what they do when spending time with THEIR family.“
“You don’t know what family means until you don’t have any. family is everything and they aren’t starving then or abusing them my mom gives my boy chips candy chocolate juice a bunch of junk when he goes over there even though he doesn’t get that stuff when he’s with me I don’t argue with her why you may ask that’s because grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandkids and how they spend their time with them is not your business.”
“If it’s not harming them let them also too bad they don’t want to come to your place not everyone is comfortable in other people’s places just like your not comfortable in theirs you won’t go there and they won’t come to you but don’t take their family away stop trying to control everything and again they don’t have to speak to you at all only their son if they want again not your parents, not your family they don’t have to like you as you don’t have to like them but think of the position you’re putting your husband in making bad blood with his family because you want to be selfish and controlling.”
From reading your question, I feel that what your dealing with is much more than just the coronavirus. It sounds like you have been having problems with their grandparents for a while. The decision to stay away from Disney because of the virus is a good one, and the current state of the US and around the world shows that.
The issues you raised regarding your kid’s grandparents, sound pretty serious and I have said before that it is very hard to give advice when we only hear one side. It does sound like the family is very upset about the relationship they have with you, the children, and their son. Sometimes when emotions are high, issues and reactions can be exaggerated. What I mean by that is that people can say and do things that aren’t necessarily fair, right, and maybe even how they really feel if they feel that they are being treated unfairly.
I am not sure if you, their grandparents, and your boyfriend have ever tried to really communicate your feelings to one another. That’s what I feel is missing. If you could have a mediator that isn’t emotionally involved in some way that could really help each side understand one another it might help that discussion to have a good productive outcome. Because they are your children’s grandparents I would try everything you can to have a good relationship. You never know if one day those grandparents are all they have.
I hope all goes well. Stay safe and healthy.
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Dawn Onye is a Certified Lactation Counselor. With this certification comes education and her own experience helping mothers and babies with breastfeeding. With her CLC, she is required to keep herself up to date on the research studies, conferences, and training related to breastfeeding. She chose this field not just because she is an advocate for the benefits of breastfeeding, but because she sincerely loves working with mothers and babies. Her mission is not to push breastfeeding on all mothers and babies, but to help all mothers reach the goals they have and to provide the expertise for them to do so. The most important thing in life is to do what is best for your family without judgment from others.
Dawn is also a wife and a mother. She has four children ranging from 12 to 19 years old. She can help many families with tips and tricks she has learned along the way. She loves to read and write. Her favorite seasons are spring and fall, although she does enjoy summers while spending time with her family. There has been no greater accomplishment in life for her than being a mother.
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