A mom writes in asking for advice about introducing her kids to a potential new love interest of hers. This mom, who is currently in the process of finalizing her divorce from her children’s’ father, is wondering if it is too soon to introduce her kids to a new man. She has known this man for a long time and has been circling a new relationship with him for several months. She wants him to meet her children, but he says he would rather wait until her divorce is finalized. She wants to know how her kids and the new man will get along. What’s the best bet?
A member of the community asks:
“When should you introduce someone else to your kids?”
“So I am in the middle of a divorce right now. I moved out of my husband’s house in late February. Well, I recently started talking to another guy. I’ve known this guy for eight years, and I think he is amazing. I completely trust him. Things are going great between us, and I asked him if he wanted to meet my two kids (ages 1 and 3).
He said he really wanted to, but he thinks it’s still too soon to meet my kids. He wants to wait until my divorce is completely over. Which will probably be dragged out for another year because my soon to be ex-husband is purposely trying to drag it out as long as possible. I respect his decision to wait, but at the same time, I would like to know if he and my kids get along alright, so we aren’t just at a standstill wasting each other time for the next year.
I guess I don’t know what else to say to him. My oldest kid knows mommy and daddy aren’t getting back together. I’ve already bought my own house. So I don’t think the kids would be confused about meeting someone else as long as my friend and I aren’t doing anything in front of them. Any advice helps!”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants to Know When She Should Introduce Her Kids to a New Love Interest
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I agree with him. It’s way too soon. If you haven’t even had time to get divorced yet you definitely haven’t had the time to date someone long enough for them to meet your kids. You’re just looking for a daddy/husband replacement.”
“If he is telling you to wait, that means he’s not 100 percent sure about you guys and he doesn’t want kids involved so respect his decision.”
“Your kids are 1 and 3, they’re going to love any/everybody. Your job as their mom is to protect their hearts and make sure this guy isn’t some rebound before they’re around him. I agree with the guy, he’s just looking out for your kids and probably himself. Who wants to get attached to a couple of awesome kids just for the relationship with the parent to end before it really starts.”
“I might be the odd one out, but if you go the route of ‘this is just mummy’s friend catching up for coffee’ I don’t see the issue. I’ve been a single mum for 10 years and every time I’ve wanted to see how they get along with the kids I’ve always done the day out with mummy and her friend, at a park or play centre, just to ensure they don’t seriously clash before getting too deeply involved. If my kids hate you, then we’re never gonna happen.”
“Here’s my biggest problem with this group — its a group for moms to support moms. It wasn’t made to criticize the living hell out of these other mamas because your life is so perfect and you don’t need advice sometimes. Now here is my friendly advice. When you bring a new man into your life YOU will know when to introduce him to your babies. I officially introduced my daughter to my fiancé after spending only 3 nights alone with him myself and then he started staying with us after…
… It will take your children TIME to become attached. Don’t listen to these people. My daughter’s ‘real’ father passed away about a month into me being with the guy I’m with. My daughter is 19 months old and is so in love with this man that I am with. It took her time to get used to him, it took her months, probably about 4 months. She now will choose him over me half the time. Mama is no longer her go-to. At bedtime, dad has to put her in bed, he always gets the big hugs in the morning and all the kisses before bedtime…
… Yes, she calls my fiancé daddy why?? Because she’s 19-months-old, because he acts like she’s his own. Eventually, the talk will come, but it’s in the way late future. She knows who her real dad is and has pictures hanging above her crib and has a stuffed animal made from his clothes. So, girl, you do you and live your life!! From this please just take the advice of WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW. TRUST YOUR GUT.”
“Your boyfriend is right. Wait until after the divorce. It also gives time for you and your BF to have a relationship without the pressure of an instant family for him. Remember, he still needs to learn to love you first before he could love your kids. Also, how confusing would it be to introduce your kids to a new man BEFORE you’re even divorced? Keep it classy girl. And if this guy ‘Is the One’, then waiting will make things better.”
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