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QUESTION:
“Okay, so I just had a baby. He’ll be a month old on the 18th. I have two kids from a previous relationship. My oldest is nine, and my second is 5. He cheated on me and had a baby with someone else even after that; I still kept in contact with him for my kid’s benefits. I thought we were trying to work things out before I ended up pregnant, but I realized he only wanted one thing. So before he found out that I was pregnant, he would always talk about me and our kids going out to ATL to visit him and how we can stay with him while we were down there. (He moved away and told me after he had touched down in ATL, he didn’t visit our kids before he left or anything.) After he found out that I was pregnant, he had blocked our oldest daughter’s phone number (she’s 8, she has a phone, so she can contact her father’s side of the family), and he had blocked my number. He started denying my girls, and he even told a lie to his family so that they wouldn’t look for my girls. I feel bad because my kids always ask for their brother, and whenever I text their grandmother (father’s mother) she won’t reply, or she’ll tell me to tell their father. I honestly want my kids to have a bond with their father’s son but he would constantly tell me to mind my own business regarding his child and that our girls don’t need to know anything about him. Am I wrong for telling my kids to stop bothering with their father’s side of the family? Yeah they have a bond with their new sibling but I feel like they should also have a bond with their siblings on their father’s side.“
Community Answers
The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.
“Considering they are basically blocking and ignoring the kids I’d say completely stop any contact with them. They don’t want to be involved then fine it’s their loss.”
“I think you’re in the right to tell them to stop. The fathers family don’t seem to give a toss. Better out of that toxic environment.”
“I would give up for now. Have you tried contacting the sibling’s mom. Not sure if she’s with the dad or not. The siblings can try contact again when older.”
“I would suggest giving up on the fathers family… Just explain to your kids that it is them (fathers family) that don’t realise how amazing you guys are and that it is their loss… Unfortunately we cannot force a bond if its clear that they don’t want it…”
“As a kid of a man who didn’t want me to be his kid I can tell you the best decision I ever made was never speaking to him or his family again. He isn’t worth my time if I wasn’t worth his.”
“This is really sad and I especially feel bad for your kids but at this point I would have them end all communication..I would sit your kids down being completely honest about the situation and tell them to stop trying to contact them.. behavior like this coming from their dad and his side of the family is damaging to kids so the sooner this stops the better.. hang in there mama you’re doing the right thing.”
“It’s tough. You can tell them to stop all you want but they will want to continue to try. Allow them to continue to try, that way, you won’t seem like the bad guy and they will eventually figure it out on their own. They don’t understand quite yet, but they will. Then, that way you can honestly say you didn’t stop them and they can say they tried. They’ll give up on their own. As hard as it may be to see their disappointment, that’s how they’ll learn. Moments like this are teaching moments.”
“You never said that his side of the family won’t answer your daughter’s phone calls? If so, then let it go. If not , continue to let them call his family.”
“I would tell them that their numbers must have changed, but they know the kids phone number and they will reach out when they have a chance. Don’t make it seem like you are the one that is stopping the contact. Keep the families numbers unblocked so they can reach out to you. But I wouldn’t be reaching out to his side of the family.”
“Never put the responsibility of reaching out to family on a child! Let them grow to see who was there for them! Let his family contact you! I’ve been in this same situation, except my kids father passed away , and after that no one made sure they still had a relationship with our kids! I never pushed the issue. Love your babies! They will see them self when they get older. As for the relationship with the sibling, unfortunately that’s not up to you. If you can reach out to the child’s mother, maybe go from there. Don’t make it a personal thing, just tell her your kids would like to see [their] sibling. It’s a hard situation. I wish you luck!
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