A mom writes in asking for advice about her struggle with the fact that her children have no grandparents. She says that all of her kids’ grandparents are deceased, except for her own mom who has mental health and addiction issues and who is not involved much in their lives. This mom is struggling, feeling like she lacks the “village” she desires to help make her family complete. She turns to other moms in the community, asking if anyone else has experienced similar or has any advice.
A member of the community asks:
“My children do not have grand-parents: Advice?
Does anyone have experience with your children not having grandparents? Both my husband’s parents have passed away and my father also passed away. The only living grandparent is my mother who is battling mental and addiction issues. My husband’s mother passed away about a year and a half ago and it was very hard. My son was turning 7 at the time and he really had a difficult time with it because she was the only active grandparent in my children’s lives. Ahe loved my children so much.
A part of me feels so terrible that my children are so young and have no grandparents. Every sports event or event at school it is just me and my husband. It makes me really angry with God. My mother rarely sees my children because he has her issues. I don’t want to throw a pity party but why us? We are in our young 30s and have no parents. Life can be so cruel.
I find myself envious of those with living, supportive parents. It is really a void that cannot be filled. Every mother’s day and father’s day is difficult for us. I was very close to my mother in law. And losing her has broken my heart. Married friends of mine have two sets of parents plus living grandparents. They literally have 8 people in their corner for support and we have nobody. It takes a village and we don’t have one.”
Community Advice for This Mom to Who Is Struggling with the Fact Her Kids Have No Grandparents
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I never had grandparents really. One died before I was born, then the other died when I was 5 & then the other set just never really fooled with me or seen me. I grew up just fine without them. All I needed was my mother & father.”
“Find an older couple by you who can mentor you and your kids. I find talking to these wiser people in our lives we grow, also, they grow as well. If you have someone in mind or have an older friend already that would be good. Even maybe visit (after this crisis is over) an golden years facilities. Just a suggestion, if you go to church you can start there, or even maybe one of your kids friends grandparents. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It could be good for both parties. Good luck.”
“There are a bunch of lonely elderly people that would probably love the role. It’s not wrong to add some love into others’ lives.”
“I grew up without my grandparents and though I do get sad or envious at times, I overall don’t really think about it much honestly.”
“I know how you feel. My parents were alive when my boys were growing up. They were divorced from each other but remarried. They were never really grandparents tho. My dad had his wife’s grandson & was never good to his. I could never depend on my mom; she couldn’t take care of herself. I left my boys with her once & came home she was drunk. But I knew how she was. I had gotten someone to go stay with her and my babies till I got home. I felt bad for my babies never having grandparents to spend time with. When I became a nana I swore I would be a good one & I’ve done my best. Good luck. Just love them extra and they’ll be fine. I’ve never understood how a grandparent could be so mean and cold-hearted when it comes to their own grandbabies.”
“Adopted grandparents? My sister’s mother-in-law is as close to a grandma my daughter has. Her Gigi. It’s wonderful because our mother has passed on. We are grateful for Gigi.”
“Do you know any older people that you like? If you do, adopt them! Sometimes those of us with grown children who live far away are a bit lonely and would love to step up. As you know, family is always blood-kin. Go places to meet people older than your family.”
“Take the kids with snacks and small gifts to a nursing home. There is so many older lonely people there.”
“Nursing homes are filled with older people who would love to have your children visit them.”
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