I Don’t Know How to Interpret My Late Husband’s Family’s Holiday Gift Question Regarding My Kids: Advice?

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QUESTION: Am I Overthinking This Situation About Holiday Gifts My Late Husband’s Family Wants to Give to My Kids?

I have two daughters from my first marriage; my husband (their father) passed away when they were small, and I’ve since become involved with another man. We’ve been together nearly five years now and have a three-month-old daughter together.

My question is: with the holidays, my late husband’s family keeps wanting to know, ‘what would the girls like for Christmas?’ They don’t specify if they include my baby or not, and I’m afraid to assume.

I feel if I were the one asking someone in my situation, I would include the new baby, but I just don’t know. Thoughts?

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I Don't Know How to Interpret My Husband's Family's Holiday Gift Question Regarding My Kids: Advice?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“Just say what the older 2 want… if they care to include the 3-month-old they’ll specify. What could a 3-month-old WANT Anyway lol?! It’s not like she’ll feel left out…”

“Well I understand why you feel like they should include the new baby. However that new baby is not their family.”

“I’d just say the first 2 and if they want to know the baby also the would ask and what about the baby?”

“It would be a nice gesture if they included the new baby but I would not expect it. In fact, the new baby could be a painful reminder for them that their son is gone and could bring up thoughts of what could have been were he still alive.”

“It would be a nice gesture if they included the baby but they shouldn’t be obligated to include the baby.”

“I wouldn’t assume they’re including the new baby, the new baby isn’t part of their blood family. That baby wasn’t fathered by their side of the family. It would just be your two daughters.”

“I would just include your older 2 first, then see if they ask about your baby too after that. Make it less awkward. Lol.”

“I wouldn’t assume that they included the new baby when asking. And I personally wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t. I feel like since the father has passed this is a way for the girls to feel the love from their family. Luckily the baby is too young to know the difference and hopefully in the future this won’t be a concern.Just to clarify, I would include the baby because I can never exclude a child from something like a present. I’m just not in their position seeing it from their eyes.”

“I would only send what your older kids want. If they want to include your baby, they will ask.”

“The older ones are probably the only thing they have left of their son or the grandparents is all the kids have left. Let them spend money on their biological grandkids. Your new baby has its own set of grandparents.”

“I would just tell them what the older girls would like and if they mean the baby too they’ll probably ask what about the baby. A lot of people responding seem too harsh. My family always includes all children so no one gets left out. And there’s nothing wrong with wondering. At least you’re not assuming and expecting it.”

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