For many of us, we’re weeks into social distancing and quarantining and things are getting weird at home. Staying upbeat and entertained at this moment is especially challenging. One husband and wife invented a little game and the unintended consequences of it are mortifying.
The husband posted on the TIFU (Today I F***ed Up) Reddit forum about the “weird game” and the embarrassment that followed after he slapped his wife in the face with his penis while she was on a Zoom conference call for work.
In the post, the husband explained the situation and it’s not… ideal.
“Okay so to preface this my wife and I live alone in our apartment,” the post begins. “We also have this weird game of slapping each other with random things while the other is busy (the other day she got me with a tampon which is a bit gross but whatever).”
That is also not ideal. People get up to some strange stuff when they think no one’s looking.
It was time for the husband to exact his revenge.
“Today I decided it was time for revenge. I got out of the shower, dried off and looked for her. I saw she was on her computer with headphones on. I snuck in from the side and boom [d*ck] slap square on the cheek she never stood a chance.”
He thought he’d upped the ante after being hit in the face with the tampon and he awaited his wife’s laughter.
The man’s wife did not laugh as he expected. It turned out, the slap was no laughing matter.
“I stood there expectantly waiting for her to laugh or some sort of reaction,” he wrote. “But then she just turned to me, white in the face and just said ‘I’m on [a] call.'”
Wow! Allow us to introduce you to the newly minted, most devastating phrase in the English language: ‘I’m on [a] call.’
“I thought she was joking maybe just winding me up but then I look at her screen and see several gobsmacked co-workers of my wife (only one of which I’d ever even met).”
The husband did what any other person would do in the situation and escaped.
“I immediately ran out of the room and am now typing this from the bathroom,” he wrote.
“I’m scared that I’m going to be reported for some kind of domestic abuse and I don’t even know how to explain to them the situation because it’s so stupid.”
He ends the post earnestly, “I’m gonna have to leave the country.”
At least the virtual video call will leave an impression?
“Unexpected side-effects of COVID-19, the chances of seeing someone naked on conference call has gone up 1000 percent,” one commenter wrote. “Can you imagine all those cases that have gone unreported? Comedy gold.”
“Omg that made me laugh so hard I was wheezing!!!” another person wrote. “Oh I needed that! Thank you for sharing your disgrace!!”
“You’re gonna eat some [s**t] over this for a while, you know this right?” another commenter wrote. “And don’t get me started on the Company Christmas Party…..awkward…”
Others who read the post thought the mistake was too great to come back from.
“Not gonna lie, but it sounds like you may have ruined any reputation that your wife has at the company,” one person commented. “Instead of being a competent and respected person, she will now be known as the woman who lets her husband smack his dick across her face randomly. Not trying to be a prude, the situation is pretty comical, but I think those things are hard for women to come back from professionally.”
“I don’t understand why the spouse wouldn’t know they were doing conference calls from home,” a second asked. “Is there no communication in these households?”
“You deserve all the shame you feel,” another succinctly put it.
The slap is going to sting for a while. The post has since been deleted, which goes to show you just how sensitive the situation could be. Pro tip: don’t slap people in the face with… anything!
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