A mom writes in asking for advice about herself and what she feels may be a drinking problem. This mom says that she got pregnant very young and has never really lived an adult life. Now, with three kids and a husband, this mom finds that she often drinks. Though she says she doesn’t get sloppy or mean, she is still concerned, especially because of her family’s history. The community offers advice for this mom and for those with a drinking problem, generally, below.
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A member of the community asks:
“I think I may have a drinking problem: Advice? I think I may have a drinking problem. I became a mom at the age of 19(pregnant, gave birth at 20). I’ve never really had an adult life to myself. Growing up, I never wanted kids. I just wanted to work 1 or 2 jobs and have a studio apartment that I shared with a cat, but I met a man that did want kids, now we have three kids (6, 4 and 18mo) I certainly don’t feel like I was cheated out of what I thought I wanted because I adore our kids. There’s nothing in the world I would want to exchange them for.
I certainly had a drinking problem when we lived with my father-in-law; I literally finished off his liquor cabinet in 6 months, whiskey, vodka, rum, tequila, you name it, I drank it. I became a mom before I could experience true adult life. Now that I’m a stay at home mom with quite literally no life, I like to drink a bit. It is a fraternal issue; most members of my father’s family has had an issue with alcohol or drugs. One of my uncles died from liver failure from drinking whiskey every single day.
I won’t lie when I say being a 26-year-old mom of 3 boys is stressful, especially when I’ve only gotten out of the house once this entire year due to the current events. It’s not a daily issue, but I do feel like wanting to get drunk at 1 pm is an issue. I don’t want to justify my behavior if it’s truly bad, but in the six years I’ve been a mom, I’ve gotten away from my responsibilities only a handful of times. I cook, I clean, I homeschool (even before the pandemic started). I do feel as though I’m entitled to some sort of break every now and then.
Obviously, drinking during the day isn’t an ideal break, but I’m still a good mother, if not better, if that makes sense, I’m more patient and understanding after a few drinks. I know there’s a “wine mom” stigma going around lately. But I’d like other opinions. I know some of y’all will be harsh asf, which may be warranted, and I know some of y’all will understand. It’s just some days I’d like to quit, but some days I feel I deserve a bit of a mental break, which I feel I’m provided when I drink. I don’t get sloppy drunk, I can still function, cook, clean, and the parent just fine, but with my family history, I just don’t know what to think.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Thinks She May Have a Drinking Problem
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom with a potential drinking problem a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“I’m in recovery 8 years clean in September. When I read that it just sounded like you were making excuses or justifying drinking. Please get help! it works if you work it, so work it because you’re worth it!”
“You’re what’s called a ‘functioning alcoholic.’ Get some professional help and make sure you GET A BREAK.”
“I feel like you covered everything before you even asked. I think you know you’re making excuses for yourself and you already know what’s truly best for you. I think you know the harsh comments might be helpful but you’re hoping someone understands. But honestly, you can’t be a good parent as an alcoholic, even if you think you are. You know what’s best, just take the steps to fix it. And also make time for yourself. Like actually MAKE time for yourself.”
“I applaud your honesty. Getting advice from Facebook is probably not the best way To deal with this. I would certainly reach out to a professional therapist to discuss. You seem like a great mom, blessings to you and I pray you find the answers your looking for. From one mom to another.”
“The first step to healing is acknowledging there is a problem…So hats off to you, because that’s usually the hardest step! We tend to numb emotions that we’re trying to avoid, so I would suggest starting with a therapist to figure out exactly which one that is. Then take some time for you. Whether that’s joining a yoga class, journal writing, or sitting on a beach somewhere. Doesn’t matter as long as you make yourself a priority. You can love your children to no end and still feel like something is missing ..and that’s ok. It’s impossible to pour from a cup that’s empty, so find the things that will reignite the fire inside and refill your soul.”
“I didn’t have my party days either and was able to start going out when I was in my 30s. I’m a single mom of 5 daughters. To me, it sounds like you are handling things well. But I do feel you need a couple of nights away from the house a month.”
“I say to quit. I grew up in the position of your children. Having an alcoholic parent is really stressful for children. It will only progress.”
“I have a different opinion than all of the others on here. I think that you might think there is a problem because of your family history. I tend to overthink my drinking almost every time I have one or even want one. My family also has a big history of addiction. I’m not saying that you don’t have a problem, you might, or you might just be overthinking. I would definitely talk to someone.”
“Just my 2 cents: I think if you have to ask, then you already know the answer. I commend you for asking and being aware, that can’t be easy. You are ahead of the game, hun! Find other productive ways to find a break. I know it’s not easy, but maybe even having someone watch the kids for an hour or so a day so you can run the errands that you would be doing anyway, or take a moment and just take a bath…without alcohol and just sit back, allow your mind to think…or not. I would definitely consult a professional though to help you work through some of your stresses.”
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