A mom writes in asking for advice about her ex. She says she has been separated from her husband since August. He was not a good partner when they were together, and he hasn’t been a very present father, either. She wants to know what her options may be in terms of stripping her ex of his parental rights, or at least getting supervised visits for him because she fears for her kids’ lives sometimes when he has them.
A member of the community asks:
“I don’t think my ex is fit to keep the kids alone: Thoughts?
I am separated from my husband since August due to him not keeping a job & cheating on me (which I have proof of). During this time he has only seen our kids around 11 times. He does not pay child support. During our relationship/marriage, be as physically and mentally abused me. Couldn’t keep a job & was just plain lazy. He fell asleep while watching the kids while I would take a shower. I never made a report against him, so, therefore, I have no proof of domestic violence.
My question is, is there any way I could get his rights taken away and/or supervised visitations? I know he’s my kid’s father and I shouldn’t keep the kids away from him, but he’s not fit to keep them alone. I fear for their lives when he even mentions taking them anywhere. Am I in the wrong? How do I handle this? Help..please.”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Doesn’t Think Her Ex Is Fit to Take Care of Their Kids Alone
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Unfortunately, without any incidents documented no judge will strip him of his rights or force supervised visits. You can ask he get supervised visits, but more than likely if he fights it they will allow him his visits. And falling asleep while you’re in the shower isn’t evidence enough, nor is the domestic violence against you is enough that would convince them to force supervised or no visits. Even with my ex having a DHS case of confirmed child abuse (they couldn’t find the report probably because it had been over 5 years) and with my domestic abuse that was reported against me, and 5 years without contact with his children and just now fighting to see them, but they are old enough to decide on their own, the DHS and judge are all for my ex seeing his children. But because his children don’t want to see him, they are forcing me to put them in therapy.”
“You thought he was fit when you were married to him. Sorry, I’m not feeling sympathetic for you. You were married and he is the father. No judge is going to take away his rights and unless he has done something to the kids then what is your problem? Unless he did something before shut up and deal with it. He did whatever he did to you but the kids and until he does something to them you don’t have grounds to do anything.”
“Try looking up narcissistic personality disorder. Then look at your children and realize they are not pawns against your ex. Stop using them as such and get some therapy.”
“How old are the kids? Has he ever hurt them? I understand you and him didn’t work and I’m sorry you had to deal with all of that. I really am. Without proof, there’s nothing you can do. Also, if he’s never hurt the children…you have nothing. He’s not with you anymore and doesn’t live in the home? He has his own place where the kids go and visit for a weekend? If the kids are old enough to talk, they will be ok. Ask them what goes on and make sure you don’t overstep. He’s their father….he has just as many rights as you do.”
“This post sounds like you are a scorned woman looking for revenge. Just because he wasn’t a great husband doesn’t mean he’s not a great dad. Do not use the children as a way to hurt your ex. Women that do things like this are the scum of the earth. Grow up.”
“Let me go ahead and tell you my ex-husband has become a registered sex offender, heroin addict (past 6 years, been in jail countless times, has back child support of almost 20 grand, and they STILL won’t terminate rights. So they definitely won’t for him falling asleep or not having a job.”
“Also a judge hands down is going to question your stability if you go into court claiming you fear for your children’s lives but haven’t taken any steps to prove you truly are in fear. No CPS report, no police reports, etc. shows there wasn’t really a true concern on your part. Don’t put your children in the middle of your mess.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.