A mom writes in asking for advice about having another kid with her husband. She says she has about 9 months until she has her birth control removed, and at that time, she will need to make certain family planning decisions. She thinks she wants another child, although she is a little unsure about the timing. Her husband, however, is “adamant” that they not have another. When they discuss this, it usually erupts into an argument. How can she come to an agreement with her husband?
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A member of the community asks:
“My husband doesn’t want any more kids but I do: Advice?
What do you do if your husband is set on not having any more kids, but you want another? I have nine months left on my BC (birth control) before I have to have it removed, and he’s been pretty adamant about not having a second. I’m still 50/50. More just timing for me. It’s a constant fight between us when the topic comes up. We don’t agree at all. What do I do?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants Another Kid Even Though Her Husband Is Adamant They Don’t Have One
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Personally, I would have my birth control removed and place the responsibility on him. If he feels strongly enough about it he will take control of where his sperm ends up! This is what I did when my IUD had to come out and I was content to just let nature take its course. He made sure to not get me pregnant again until he was ready.”
“You’re gonna need some condoms and a pin.”
“The women on here telling her to do it behind his back… I just can’t. Please don’t take that advice that is the worst advice, to deceive him into having another kid. Don’t think I have ever heard of that working out for someone where someone was happy their partner lied to them to have a child…
… The best advice I have seen is talking to him and tell him when the birth control comes out if he doesn’t want anymore then it’s his responsibility for birth control. Since he is the one that doesn’t want anymore then he shouldn’t have a problem with using a condom or getting snipped. But for the love of God don’t lie to him for a child.”
“It’s not who is right or wrong. If you both don’t agree, it’s no.”
“Honestly at that point, I’d tell him, he’s the one who doesn’t want another kid so it’s up to him to handle the birth control. You shouldn’t have to put her body under stress or risk for anything other than your own decisions.”
“Nope. If BOTH are not completely on board, you don’t do it. My husband doesn’t want one, I do. My husband has offered to cave even, to make me happy and I couldn’t do that to him. In the end, his happiness is just as important as mine. Does it hurt not to have more? Sure. But my unhappiness over not having more won’t potentially lead to a child being unwanted or resented.”
“Was this not discussed before marriage? Don’t force something that he’s not comfortable with. You have to respect that & hope he changes his mind or you’ll just have to find you another man. Listen to him & communicate, maybe you guys can compromise.”
“I didn’t want kids and my husband did. We ended up with dogs instead and then we tried for a baby (it was a long road) then he wanted another after our first and I said absolutely not. So, he left it alone. 2 years later, I felt comfortable enough to try for another. Don’t push it all, don’t keep bringing it up and don’t pressure…those things will make it worse!”
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