A mom writes in asking for advice about having another kid with her husband. She says she has about 9 months until she has her birth control removed, and at that time, she will need to make certain family planning decisions. She thinks she wants another child, although she is a little unsure about the timing. Her husband, however, is “adamant” that they not have another. When they discuss this, it usually erupts into an argument. How can she come to an agreement with her husband?
YOU MAY ALSO LIKE: I’m Conflicted About Having a Second Child: What Are the Pros and Cons?
A member of the community asks:
“My husband doesn’t want any more kids but I do: Advice?
What do you do if your husband is set on not having any more kids, but you want another? I have nine months left on my BC (birth control) before I have to have it removed, and he’s been pretty adamant about not having a second. I’m still 50/50. More just timing for me. It’s a constant fight between us when the topic comes up. We don’t agree at all. What do I do?”
Community Advice for This Mom Who Wants Another Kid Even Though Her Husband Is Adamant They Don’t Have One
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The community offered this mom in need a lot of great advice. Read some of their responses below.
“Personally, I would have my birth control removed and place the responsibility on him. If he feels strongly enough about it he will take control of where his sperm ends up! This is what I did when my IUD had to come out and I was content to just let nature take its course. He made sure to not get me pregnant again until he was ready.”
“You’re gonna need some condoms and a pin.”
“The women on here telling her to do it behind his back… I just can’t. Please don’t take that advice that is the worst advice, to deceive him into having another kid. Don’t think I have ever heard of that working out for someone where someone was happy their partner lied to them to have a child…
… The best advice I have seen is talking to him and tell him when the birth control comes out if he doesn’t want anymore then it’s his responsibility for birth control. Since he is the one that doesn’t want anymore then he shouldn’t have a problem with using a condom or getting snipped. But for the love of God don’t lie to him for a child.”
“It’s not who is right or wrong. If you both don’t agree, it’s no.”
“Honestly at that point, I’d tell him, he’s the one who doesn’t want another kid so it’s up to him to handle the birth control. You shouldn’t have to put her body under stress or risk for anything other than your own decisions.”
“Nope. If BOTH are not completely on board, you don’t do it. My husband doesn’t want one, I do. My husband has offered to cave even, to make me happy and I couldn’t do that to him. In the end, his happiness is just as important as mine. Does it hurt not to have more? Sure. But my unhappiness over not having more won’t potentially lead to a child being unwanted or resented.”
“Was this not discussed before marriage? Don’t force something that he’s not comfortable with. You have to respect that & hope he changes his mind or you’ll just have to find you another man. Listen to him & communicate, maybe you guys can compromise.”
“I didn’t want kids and my husband did. We ended up with dogs instead and then we tried for a baby (it was a long road) then he wanted another after our first and I said absolutely not. So, he left it alone. 2 years later, I felt comfortable enough to try for another. Don’t push it all, don’t keep bringing it up and don’t pressure…those things will make it worse!”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is the place for moms online. We cover the latest news around motherhood and parenting, plus entertainment news as well – all with a mom-focused twist. Looking for parenting advice? We have plenty of it, all for moms, from moms. Our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for. We don’t stop there though, we have expert advice on a range of topics, and all of our categories get updated multiple times a day, so if there’s one website for moms you need to bookmark, it’s Mamas Uncut. We cover it all, from the latest and trendiest baby names, in the US and all over the world, to advice for moms in the workplace, or mom to mom advice on balancing it all. Looking for an answer to a specific question you’ve have? Head over to our new answers section, where you can ask questions on a nearly endless amount of topics, and you’ll get answers fast – really fast. Mamas Uncut is more than just the place for moms, it’s the community of moms – all here to help, make friends, and more. Not sure where to start? Take a look at one of our key topic areas like Pregnancy or Relationships – if you’re looking for advice on a specific topic, there’s a pretty good chance that we’ve already written on it (a few times), or that it’s within our answers section. If you don’t have time to read the site every day, we also have a newsletter that you can control how often you want to receive – that way we send all of the must-see content for moms directly to your inbox – it’s that easy. So go ahead and take a look around, ask a question, or just keep reading, we’re glad you’re here.