Before giving getting pregnant and giving birth, a soon-to-be mama’s mind goes through all sorts of scenarios – some good and some bad.
One mom, who gave birth via Cesarean, told her husband that if something were to happen to her during the birth to choose her and not their baby.
Now, she and her husband are thinking about having a second child, and while sharing the news with friends, she admitted that the same sentiment would apply this time around: If there was a situation where the dad had to choose, he should choose her and not the child. Her friends were “disgusted” and said she was an a**hole.
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Mom tells her husband to choose her life over their baby’s should something go wrong during delivery: Was this a bad move?
The new mom posted on the Reddit subforum “Am I as the A**hole,” wondering if her friends were right and she was being insensitive when she asked her husband to make that choice.
Overall, commenters determined that she was not an a**hole, with many saying that it wouldn’t benefit anyone to leave a single dad with two children if the unthinkable should happen.
“It really shouldn’t matter whether or not the husband agrees. It’s her body and her life,” said one.
“I strongly advocate for this. You should not prioritize a baby over keeping the mother alive. Women are not just incubators but people in our own right. Any doctor or midwife who believes the mother’s life is secondary is a misogynist,” said another.
“Your husband’s opinion and your opinion are the only ones that matter here – and yours even more than his,” someone said.
Some commenters pointed to the fact that it’s important for parents to remain their own people throughout the pregnancy, as well as after the baby is born.
“I hate the modern parenting culture where mothers are expected to always martyr themselves, where her health and her needs are totally ignored in favor of the baby. It’s dehumanizing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to live,” one person wrote.
In the end, the majority of commenters sided with the original poster, noting that her so-called-friends weren’t very empathetic about the situation to begin with, and perhaps it would be helpful to find a more supportive parenting group to hang out with.
When I’m not hanging out with my three-year-old and husband in Brooklyn, I’m busy writing stories for Mamas Uncut and managing PR + Marketing for Magnolia Bakery, based in New York City. On weekends, you can usually find me at a local park or playground pushing my daughter on the swings, “researching” the best almond croissants in Park Slope or launching into impromptu family dance parties at home, the sidewalk or, every once in awhile, a restaurant bathroom. I’m still trying to master the whole parenting thing, but I have learned that copious amounts of coffee, humor and humility are involved on a daily basis.
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