I Feel Like I Am Failing as a Mother and Nothing Is Going to Plan: Advice?

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QUESTION: I Feel Like I Am Failing As a Mother As Everything Goes Haywire: Any Advice to Help Me Out?

“I feel like I’m failing. I have a 10-day old baby. He cries when he wakes up (really gassy) and during diaper changes. The doctor just put him on acid reflux meds (hoping they help).

Is he up all night crying from lying flat on his back? I’ve tried everything. But I end up falling asleep holding him, and I don’t want to do that. I’m not getting much sleep at all—roughly 2 hours a night since he’s been born.

I was breastfeeding, but my boobs both got infected from clogged milk ducts, and I was pumping, but I couldn’t keep up, and when he’s up most of the night, I don’t have time to pump.

His dad works, so nights are all on me. Even though days are on me too, and I work from home and homeschool my daughter as well. It’s hard. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated.”

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I Feel Like I Am Failing as a Mother and Nothing Is Going to Plan: Advice?

Community Answers

The following top answers have been selected by a moderator from hundreds of responses to the original question.

“Girl, you are not alone and you are not failing. Give it time, it’s hard in the beginning with the lack of sleep. Trust me, I’m doing it with my third right now. Just give it time and it will get easier. As long as you love your baby and taking care of him the best you can, you are not failing. Thank you for being so vulnerable to share, maybe this will make you feel not so alone.”

“Try a chiropractor. I thought it was crazy when I got told that but when I brought my son who is now 4 he was a completely different baby. He went from being how you are describing your baby to sleeping amazing and having less gas problems. Keep your chin up cause you are amazing.”

“Get a boppy pillow and lay him on his tummy and pat his back. A tiny bit of pressure on his tummy will help relieve the gas. Also, get some gripe water it’s a miracle worker. Try burping him in the sitting position.”

“Just because ‘dad works’ doesn’t give him the excuse not to help you out at night. You need sleep just as much as he does. (Unless it’s because he’s working night shift and physically isn’t there at night). This season in life is so so tough, but you are absolutely not failing as a mother. The fact that you care enough to make this post means you are a great mother. Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends and family for some extra help. Take care of yourself, mama.”

“Sweetheart, you are doing just fine! Falling asleep with baby in our arms has happened to pretty much all of us. They cry, we cry. We think we are messing it all up; but after a few weeks, it all settles and we get our rhythm. Maybe see if changing to a gentler formula works better. My grandbaby has been going through the same; pulling her knees up after she eats, crying in discomfort, spitting up…

… We changed the formula and she seems better most of the time. You need a chance to sleep for several hours. I hope there is someone close that can allow you that. Don’t be afraid to ask, and don’t feel like it’s wrong to do. You are much better for your baby when you can rest and by the 10th day, I know you are running on fumes. Every mom remembers well and would love to help you! God bless and know that it gets a little more manageable soon!”

“Awww hun, you are not failing. My son cried during almost every diaper change for the first 2 months! He just hated it. Try soy formula or see if your doctor will approve Enfamil AR. You are doing everything you can and you just got a tough baby, this isn’t your fault.”

“Colic!!! My daughter had it and I thought I would lose my mind. We used gas drops and leg exercises, white noise, various formulas. I found that she was worse with the premixed formula. We used powder and switched her to Carnation Good Start (without asking the doctor). She seemed to do better…but at 6 months, it was like a switch flipped. She was way better. All kids are different, but that’s what worked for us. Hang in there….it will get better.”

“Talk to your pediatrician!! It sounds like colic, and both of my boys had it!! It will get better I promise!! But mama, don’t forget to take care of you too!! Those babies need you, so talk to your husband and figure out a better schedule!! Even if it’s on Friday, and Saturday night off, so you can catch up on your sleep!! Good luck!”

“With my first daughter, the hospital thought she was colic. It ended up I wasn’t producing enough and when I switched her to formula she stopped. (We were in the hospital for almost an entire week) if it’s not that, it may be possibly your not using the right nipples when you pump and use a bottle to feed. They thought my second daughter had acid reflux but she just didn’t have the right nipple flow. Once we changed that everything else changed…

… A wedge may help as well, not only will it help with acid reflux it will help with any type of sinus drainage. Also, my youngest who the doctors thought had acid reflux also had a cow’s milk allergy and we had to switch to a soy-based formula. Maybe try changing your diet and see if that helps at all.”

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