A mom writes in asking for advice. Recently, she lost her job because she took too much time off to help with her kids. She has a 4-year-old and 3-year-old who misbehave constantly. It has gotten so bad that she lost her job and no one can take care of them. She’s tried all discipline methods. She wonders if it’s better if she stays home with them for now. However, she will then have no money for holiday fun and whatnot. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“Okay moms. I need some help. My kids are out of control. They are 4 and 3 years old. My kids won’t sleep at night. If we fall asleep or if they wake up during the night they will come into my room and “steal” stuff like remotes, phones, etc. We start putting stuff up when we sleep now but I don’t want to lock my door at night in case they really need me.
It’s gotten to the point where I recently lost my job because I couldn’t work due to death in the family and leaving because of my kids. My fiance usually watches them while I work but he has medical reasons why he can’t get stressed out. It wouldn’t be so bad if they would listen.
We’ve tried spankings, we’ve tried time outs, we’ve tried explaining to them and talking through things. It’s gotten so bad with them coming into my bedroom and going taking things even when we’re gone. They have another babysitter they will still find a way to sneak in my room and take stuff.
It makes me not even want to find another job. Without working I can only afford my bills nothing extra like for the holidays coming up. Does it make me a bad parent if I take this time and try to get them in order rather than spending money doing extra stuff for the holidays that they honestly don’t deserve it?
I planned on looking for a part-time job so I can have more time at home but at this point, I’m just tired and I feel like my children need more structure rather than fun for Halloween/Christmas. I’m torn though because they are only small once and I don’t want to miss out on those memories. Also, I would like to add I have two older kids that have been good all year and I don’t want to take away from them for their sibling’s behavior.
Community Advice for This Mom who Doesn’t Know What to Do
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was very surprising. People cared more about how she was parenting than if she had no money for the holiday fun. One commented, “Three and 4 are still babies! They can’t control their actions by knowing good and bad. If they’re misbehaving it’s a reflection on your parenting style not them as kids. Reevaluate what you’re doing.”
Others gave some suggestions on how to help with her children. One commenter mentioned, “Maybe start a positive chart. Have a goal, like a toy or candy they like. For every night they don’t get up and take things they get to put a sticker on to reach their goal. It has worked for my kids.” Another said to “Take a hard look at nutrition, sleep routine and exercise patterns. They should be tired enough at night to sleep all night if these things are adequate. Check with your pediatrician for more ideas.”
Another set of commenters gave more advice to help her parent her misbehaving kids. One said, “I would encourage you to seek advice from a child behaviorist/therapist. There may be something behind the ‘stealing. They can also help you find an effective form of discipline.” Another said, “You need to get them on a schedule as soon as possible. Try and plan the day and times for what they are going to do. Make sure you take away screen time an hour before bed it helps.”
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This question was asked by a Facebook community member who has asked to remain anonymous.