My Ex Wants Our Daughter to Stay at Grandma’s Instead of His House: Is it Bad to Refuse?

A mom writes in asking for advice. Her ex-husband wants their daughter to stay at her grandma’s house instead of his house. He won’t see her at all during his weekend visitation. The daughter doesn’t want to go to her grandma’s and is uncomfortable going. The mom is wondering does she legally have to let her daughter go, or can she refuse? Any advice for this mom?

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A member of the community asks:

“My ex-husband has a weekend visitation coming up. He lives out of state, and won’t be coming up for his weekend but wants our 10-year-old daughter to stay the weekend with her grandma (ex-husband’s mom). Our daughter doesn’t want to go if her dad isn’t going to be there, but they’re making her go anyway. My question is if I don’t make her go am I in violation? Because on one hand if he isn’t coming he’s basically skipping/forfeiting his parenting time. On the other hand, it’s up to him what he does and who our daughter sees during his parenting time. I’m in IL if that helps.”

– Mamas Uncut Community Member

Community Advice for This Mom Struggling with Her Ex

To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.

Advice Summary


Advice for this mom was very split. Some felt like she shouldn’t send her daughter if the daughter doesn’t want to go. One commenter shared, “I wouldn’t send her if she didn’t want to go. She’s old enough to decide that. He isn’t going to be there so there’s no point. The grandparents don’t have legal rights so they can’t do anything about it either.”

Others felt like she had to go to her grandma’s house. One shared, “If it is court-ordered, yes send her” while another said, “Let her visit the grandma for a couple of hours but don’t make her spend the night or anything. It’s nice for a child to get to know both sides.” One commenter agreed and said, “Depending on your state laws with this situation, if the visitation is court-ordered, you can get in trouble for not making her go. I’d make some calls to make sure though.”

Most commenters felt like she needed to get better information than just these comments. One commented, “I would definitely call the attorney and ask. She’s 10. If she doesn’t want to go, there’s probably a reason. If he’s not even going to be there, why does it matter? Definitely seek legal consultation on this one.” Others said to ask her attorney or look over her custody agreement.

Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!

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