A mom writes in asking for advice. She doesn’t want her baby to meet her mom’s boyfriend at 3 in the morning. He doesn’t live with her mom and gets off work at that time. Her mom assumes she will be up with the baby anyway, so it shouldn’t be a problem. However, this mom doesn’t want that at all. When she tries to communicate that with her mom, she only sides with her boyfriend. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’m due at the end of the year. I go between my boyfriend’s house and my mom’s house. The plan is for me to live at my moms for a year until I can get back to work and then move in with my boyfriend. My mom has a “boyfriend” that she’s been with since I was an infant. He lives at home with his ex-wife and grown son. He says he wants to live with us, but I know that’ll never happen since it hasn’t happened yet. He only sees my mom if he gets off work early. My mom said he couldn’t wait to meet my baby, and I asked her what time he’d meet the baby. He works nights, and she said “Oh if he gets off early, around 3 AM. You’ll probably be up with the baby anyway.”
Oh no! I’m not having him meet my newborn in the middle of the night! I have made it clear to my mom that it wouldn’t be the best since I’ll be sleep deprived trying to get the baby back to sleep. What would you do? My mom always takes his side even though he treats her like a side chick. I make my opinions on her relationship clear, but at the end of the day she chooses to put up with it, and I’m the bad guy for not wanting him to meet my newborn at 3 AM.”
Community Advice for This Mom Struggling with Her Own Mom
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Advice for this mom was very interesting. Most were confused by the situation; however, many felt like it was the OP’s choice if, and when, she introduced her baby to her mom’s boyfriend. One commenter shared, “It’s your child. It’s your choice who your baby meets.” Some felt like he didn’t need to meet the baby at all. One said, “Red Flag! This guy is way too interested in your unborn child. If you never want him to meet your child, that would be fine, too.” Another said, “Absolutely not. He doesn’t even need to meet the kid at all.”
Several commenters felt like she should just move in with her boyfriend, or get a place of her own. One said, “Get a job, get your own place and set your own schedule. Got to set a good example for your little one. Depend on nobody but yourself.” Another agreed and suggested, “I wouldn’t stay with your mom, I would move in with your boyfriend. You’ll need to co-parent as best as you can anyway. I wouldn’t be up for your mom’s boyfriend meeting the baby at 3 AM because that’s just creepy. Wait for him to have a day off if it’s super important!”
Some commenters suggested not to stress over it right now. One shared, “I know this seems crazy and like it’s a weird idea right now, but I wouldn’t even think about it until it’s time. You could be asleep, you could be awake, you could be up walking around with baby when he gets there. Don’t stress yourself out over something that happened yet.” Another felt like she should just do what she feels is right. One commented, “Stick to your gut and don’t do it. It’s your child and she should not run your life or the baby’s life.”
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