A mom writes in asking for advice. Her ex will not agree to their custody agreement. They have a three-month-old together. They agreed previously to have joint custody along with the state requirements. Her ex refuses to follow a schedule. Now, he is demanding to keep the baby for a week at a time. He is becoming hostile to her and has turned family and friends against her. She just wants to deal with it in court. Any advice for this mom?
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A member of the community asks:
“I have a three-month-old and the father and I are not together. When I gave birth, we both agreed to have joint custody with visitation following the state recommended guidelines. However, the father refuses to set or stick to any type of visitation schedule because he works 60+ hours a week. In the beginning, I would reach out to him to let him know he could have his visits whenever we were free that week. I would often get a reply that he was too tired after work or had plans on his days off. Although, he still got his child from another relationship on those days.
He will ask for a visit an hour in advance at most times, and if we are not busy I let him get the visits. That happens about once every two weeks. If we are busy, I always let him know what upcoming days are free. He always refuses to reply or see him at another time. I’ve tried to talk to him multiple times about why it’s important for all of us to try to follow a schedule but, he says that he will not. He thinks that having joint custody means that he gets the baby for the same amount of time as I do.
He has started requesting that he gets baby for one week at a time. I refused that arrangement for many reasons but have continued to offer the visits we had originally agreed to. He now refuses any visits or even to talk to me about the baby until he gets his way. He is telling everyone that I’m keeping baby from him. He’s become somewhat hostile at times telling me that he’s coming to take baby from me and will keep him for good if I don’t agree. Or is implying that he’s going to take me to court and get sole custody since I’m refusing to let him keep baby for a week at a time.
I’ve suggested that we handle this in court since we cannot come to an agreement that works for both of us. However, the nonsense is still continuing. I don’t know what to do anymore but I’m sick of the threats. I’m also tired of the attitude that his friends and family are giving me. Any suggestions on how I should handle this?”
Community Advice for This Mom Tired of the Threats
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
The advice for this mom was overwhelmingly in favor of her going to court since her ex will not agree to their custody agreement. One commenter said, “Go to court and save every conversation you have written, and document any communication. Every time he threatens you, call the police and keep a copy of the report. Be as detailed as you can, so he can weasel his way out in court.” Another said, “Go to court and get it established so neither you nor he gets a say in randomly changing it. It’s set in stone and stays that way. Don’t wait to do it. It’s better for all involved in the long run and will establish a set routine now.”
Others shared more advice for this mom to help her in her situation. One shared, “Make your original agreement public as well as your current offers to him. Make it to where his family sees him rejecting your reasons and efforts to make things fair.” Another suggested, “Get a restraining order and get help with supervised visits. He’s trying to mess you up but don’t take the bait. It’s not fair on you or baby.”
Some gave even more helpful suggestions. One said, “Mediation through court, first. A mediator will help with compromises and make suggestions. The final decision will be concrete. Then if that doesn’t work, file for sole custody and he can have court-ordered visitations.” A commenter shared, “Get a lawyer and go to court. Show your lawyer all texts to show you’re trying. Also show the harassment his family and his ridiculous friends are giving you.”
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