A mom writes in asking for advice. Her fiancé won’t let her discipline her stepchild. They have been together for two years now. She is like her own daughter and she spends most of her time with her stepdaughter. However, her fiancé just will not let her do anything to discipline. Her fiance won’t even discipline her and it is really bothering her. Any advice for this mom?
A member of the community asks:
“I’m living with my fiance and 12-year-old stepdaughter because we have her fulltime. We’ve been together for two years. I love my fiance and stepdaughter dearly, and I see them as my family. I’m at home every day when she gets home from school; I love her, give her hugs, advice, and parent her. I treat her the way I would treat my own child.
Today she had been playing up and treating us with disrespect, and my fiancé refuses ever to give her consequences for her actions. She doesn’t ever need to take responsibility for her actions, and that’s why we often argue when she is treating us bad or behaving in the wrong way. I think that it is important to teach her and deal with it properly. But because I am only her stepmom, I can’t discipline her without my fiancé’s support.
I am also 20 weeks pregnant, and after we argued about her behavior and how to deal with it, my fiancé told me that we are not a family and never will be because I am only her stepmom. That hurt me a lot because I saw us as a family. How do I deal with this? When I said that we should show her that there are consequences for her actions, he said: ‘Maybe I need to put you back into your place, not her.’
Community Advice for This Mom Struggling with Discipline
To see what advice the Mamas Uncut Facebook community has for this mom in need, read the comments of the post embedded below.
Most advice told this mom to leave her relationship since her fiancé is rude and will never change. She will never get the chance to discipline her stepdaughter. One shared, “Get rid of him. He is an awful parent. If you don’t teach consequences now she will never feel she is responsible for her own actions. If he feels you are ‘just a stepmom’ and won’t ever be a family why are you there?”
Another agreed, “He’s doing his daughter a disservice by not disciplining her and treating you like a child by ‘putting you in your place.’ I know you love them both, but it’s not going to get any better!” One offered personal advice, “Please don’t marry him. I have two stepsons and I treat them as if they are my own. No me and my husband don’t always agree on why they are being punished but he backs me up because I’m the one home with them 24/7 so I know what’s going on.”
Some moms offered some advice. One suggested, “Then turn it on him. That you don’t need to feed her, or clothe her, take her to and from school, get her Christmas gifts or have anything to do with her. Use the whole ‘you’re not my mom’ thing to your advantage.” Another agreed, “I would go on ‘strike.”No sex, no cooking, no cleaning, no help with homework, etc.”
Do you have any advice for this mom? Leave a comment to help another mom out!
Over on the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, our robust community of moms is always having a conversation about topics that matter. We like to highlight those conversations from time to time. Important mom questions. Thoughtful mom answers.
Do you have a question you’d like answered? Submit it to the Mamas Uncut Facebook page, and we may feature it along with some of the best answers on this site! You can remain completely anonymous while still getting the information and support you need from other moms who know what it’s like.
Mamas Uncut is THE online place for moms. We cover the latest about motherhood, parenting, and entertainment as well – all with a mom-focused twist. So if you're looking for parenting advice from real parents, we have plenty of it, all for moms from moms, and also experts. Because, at the end of the day, our mission is focused solely on empowering moms and moms-to-be with the knowledge and answers they’re looking for in one safe space.